You know those crazy contract riders that you hear about, for big road acts, that say "remove the brown m&m's from the bowl" or "requires a dressing room painted in white and stocked with 38 dozen white roses?"
When I worked in an little theatre, visiting acts all had contract riders, and most of them didn't specify much in terms of amenities except some towels and bottled water. Our green room was a sad, sad dusty room with a worn out orange sofa and a cracked mirror. The theatre barely had money to sustain itself much less make interior decorating a priority. I had worked to get the public spaces dressed up a little more, so the green room was the least of my concerns, as it usually is in little theatres.
This one visiting artist came and had an actual list of specific desires outlined in his rider. Included were:
- A room with a view of nature, not of a parking lot
- 3 bottles of natural, no-sugar-added grape juice
- 4 new towels, washed
- A bowl of fresh fruit
- Healthy pre-show dinners including green salads
What a pain in the ass, running around to get this stuff before a show opens, even a little list like this. It's pretty difficult to find a room with a view like he wanted, when funds were so limited. He expressed disappointment at being put up at the Hilton Garden Inn, and we were, like, "but there's GARDEN in the name."
At least we picked some fresh flowers for the green room. Polishing a turd.
My fantasy rider would include grapes, pistachios (natural, roasted & salted,) a gallon of spring water, camomile tea, a fresh pillow with a clean pillowcase, a Snuggie, flowers, and, why not, 4 new hand towels. And peanut m&ms, all colors included, especially the brown ones. Basically I would consume the food stuff, turn on my nature sounds, snuggie up and take a nap.
I'm not a stage performer but I am an expert napper.
What's in your rider?