blaugra

The Best Most Versatile Dress You Should Buy Right Now

I'm not a fashionista, or any -ista. I tried being a barista once but it didn't stick.

As a non-fashionista, I often look at Land's End because 1) I'm over 40 and 2) I'm all about ease of access and 3) I tend to like some of their stuff, like bathing suits or leopard-print cardigans 4) I'm getting a bit more conservative with my wardrobe as I get older. (Whaaaaah!)

Let's be real, some of Land's End merchandise is overpriced poorly designed crap. Like, I will never buy another set of sheets from them, and some of their tops are really poorly made.

I usually order stuff online, get free shipping, then return it at the local Sears store which has a Land's End shop within. It's near the Kardashian Kollection of spandex-pleather-jeggings that I can't figure out. Who's buying them? It's also one of only two reasons to go to Sears now, the other being Craftsman tools, and Salty D. loves visiting that department.

The Land's End customer service center in Sears is pretty bad. There's usually a wait and the sales associates don't quite expedite quickly and there's always "we're having a problem with the system."  But I put up with it so I don't have to pay return postage. I hate paying to return.

A few months ago I was returning something that fit horrifically and decided to check out other stuff in person. I had recently lost some weight so I thought I'd look at dresses - I never wore dresses when I was heavier because I could never get the right fit in my non-fashionista ways. Oh, there's always the surplice-neck or wrap-dress that will flatter curvier bodies, but unless I want my bra to show I've vowed to stay away from them until I get skinny.

In the Petites section I found this gem, the Matte Jersey Pleated Neck dress. Now, I'm not petite - I'm 5'5". But sometimes regular sizing is too draggy so I thought I'd try it in petite, black (naturally.) It fit like crazy whoah. I paid full price. Very flattering, I can replace the tie belt with a skinny fuschia belt, wear it with flats or heels, dress it up or down. I love it. I'm wearing it today with a pair of glittery gold flats. I have a day-to-night thing going on with work today.

If you're in the market I'd recommend you check it out pronto, because it's reduced in price. Available in black or a kinda cool pattern that will also be very flattering and versatile.

I've bashed Land's End as much as I've praised them so I certainly haven't been compensated in any way. Just a real recommendation.

Shopping with Blaugra! Big color edition!

I think I've mentioned that I'm not a size 6.  Or size 10.  Right now I'm "in between sizes." And I don't feel great about moving from size to size, so it's not fun to shop.

Or...is it?

Today I'm looking at pops of color!

I was in a long meeting on a grey day and every woman I saw who was over a size 10 was wearing a black or grey jacket with a black or grey bottom and black shoes with squareish low heels.  And I thought GIRLS, WE CAN DO BETTER.  During the meeting I re-dressed them in my head in colorful fun dresses.

SimplyBe catalog had showed up on my doorstep, advertising sizes 10-28. I got confused because there was a British flag on the cover so I thought they meant UK sizing, which, I learned the hard way, is different.

(I had purchased a really great black dress from the "big-boob experts" at Bravissimo in what I thought was my size but it turned out to actually be two U.S. sizes too small. That's okay, a smaller-sized friend benefited from that screwup.)

But you can order this colorful flouncy dress in a U.S. size:

I am also smitten by this number:

I mean, look! It has little deely-bobs on the sleeves! How cute is that.

I think either of these dresses would be lovely with these:

I just adore that lucite heel and combination of materials. No?  How about a more coloriffic sandal?

And they come in a wide width. Oh be still my little Flintstone-footed-heart.

I'm utterly obsessed with this top:

It makes me want to dip-dye myself in Brazil.

Finally, a color explosion in your face, courtesy of Joan Rivers:

 
Imagine how your back would look in this, baby. Pop! It's so Pat Benatar!

At the very least, I'm going to dig into my grandma's scarf collection and wear a fuschia-golden-rainbow piece from 1983 because scarves don't care what size I am. Fun!

Queen of Anything

I wrote a few blog posts about how I so very dislike my current MBA prerequisite class but even I was bored when I finished them.

Instead I'll talk about hair and all things delightfully superficial.

Jewel-Lee was fussing with my hair and making me review the spring fashion collections in French Vogue. She has an obsession with Nina Ricci's spring runway.

 

I became increasingly fond of Louis Vuitton's color palette the more I stared at it.

 

A baby was in the salon and he started screaming as his mother's foils were applied to her head. Nothing any of us could do would relax him until her hair was washed.

I was next up to the wash bowl, and a young girl whose name really is Princess told me to lean back. Princess looks like this:

 
That's Olivia from Jerseylicious. In fact, Olivia was in town recently and met Princess and acknowledged they were almost twins.

Princess confessed that the baby's crying had driven her a little crazy. Then she told me there was no way she was going to have kids, because she wanted her vagina to stay nice and tight.

That is what she said while washing my hair.

I laughed nervously, a little too loudly HAAAHAHAH HA!

Back in Jewel-Lee's chair, we had a long debate about bangs or no-bangs. Neither of us could decide. It was getting late. But Jewel-Lee also wanted to talk about my hair future.

What direction am I thinking of? Are we going to keep doing the same thing for a while? Do I want to discover a signature look? Is this my signature look?  Is there a signature cocktail in this salon?

I didn't know. I just wanted  my roots covered and some hairs cut. And some conversation about reality TV.  RuPaul's Drag Race, anyone?  But I couldn't deal with high fashion analysis because I feel like a blob these days, and I couldn't deal with hair futures because I have too many other things on my mind like how long do I have to keep eating that leftover lasagna and when can I get back to the bra whisperer again and how the hell am I going to get my dreadful class papers written and if the price of gas goes up to $6/gallon are we going to be spending twice as much on food and drugs and coffee and mani-pedis than we are now?

And then, the image of that royal vagina...

Well, it wasn't my best hair extravaganza ever but Jewel-Lee did put a little sunshine in my head.

Showtime

Last night I went to the theatre-formerly-known-as-my-employer. I took my visiting Auntie. While we were waiting a exceedingly long time for the show to start, late, she asked me, "Would you go to the royal wedding?"

I thought about it. I remembered seeing an interview with Kelly Osbourne where she and her mum were asked if they would be attending, and Kelly said she'd rather watch it from home on the telly.

But I don't agree with Kelly. Why wouldn't she go? She can wear anything and be British and everyone likes her now that's she's not a sullen teenager.

I said, "I would go. If someone would dress me."

Diva

I just went to the wedding of a kid for whom I used to babysit. I got a little tearful, partly because his mother my ex-friend wasn't at the wedding because she's doing hard time in the clinker.

But he's a good kid and very handsome.

On to superficiality. I did my nails with the new OPI "Diva from Geneva" awesome color, perfect for fall festivities!  And I found this great feather thingy on a magnet that I attached to my head. I have a magnet on my head.

I'm wearing a new black dress, with a surplice/wrap top and remind me to stop buying these wrap dresses because they look great while you're standing up, but as soon as you sit down, the boobs pop out. I didn't test it before we ran out of the house on our way to the church, and as soon as I sat in the pew I was like, SHIT. Cleavage not suitable for church.

But perhaps less suitable for church, people who attend a Catholic wedding service wearing clothes more suitable for a day at the Jersey shore boardwalks than for a ceremony of significance. What's up with that?  Can I hear from my Catholic readers on this issue? Or perhaps this is a local yocal thing?  I know God doesn't care what you wear, but it's a freaking special social occasion.  Maybe they'll wear something resembling fancy party clothes to the reception. 

So we came home for the hour between the ceremony and reception so Salty D. could watch some football and I could find a safety pin to hold myself in this dress.

 

Tengo Ombre

I saw my hair stylist Jewel-Lee for the first time in months. We were so excited to see each other. I had cheated on her with a salon that is closer to my home but I was jonesing for a Jewel-Lee fix. I even cut out of work slightly early to move my appointment up one hour.

"So what are you thinking today?" she asked.  "Well, I was hoping you'd have a great idea-" I replied.

"Oh yes oh yes oh yes I do! I am going to ombre' your hair!"

Apparently it's trendy but often misinterpreted or done poorly.  In fact I love this quote, "I find it so interesting how having ‘roots’ has now been given a fancy name to make it look like it was intentional and not the result of lack of time, money, motivation or just the result of sheer laziness."  I don't think it will look too rooty. Time will tell.  All I know for sure is that at the end of the 4 1/2 hours in the chairs, I was exhausted but with silky smooth wildly vibrant hair color. That's not laziness. 

Even though sometimes I come across as a seriously mental but altruistic person, I am often whimsically superficial. Time with Jewel-Lee is one of those whimsically superficial times.

Ombre, when done right in a dress, looks like this.

   

I love it. And this is basically what the hair looks like, a blend of gradient color.

But not blue.

Yes I'll provide a real photo later. Well, maybe. You know how I am about posting photos of myself. In the meantime, this is a great post. And...

Jessica Simpson = good ombre.

Megan Fox = great ombre.

Gaga Ombre! 

Drew Barrymore = Terri Nunn ombre. (No, really more of a dip-dye IMO. There's no fading going on here.)

First Jewel-Lee applied a violet reddish brown to the top third of my hair.  I was scared. "No violet! No!" I exclaimed. She brushed me off - "don't worry about it."  Good thing I trust her.

Then the hair was washed, dried, and she painted a red-brown on the middle section of my hair strands, and painted bleach on the ends.  Another wash.  A cape change. Another dry. Then, I started to get tired and hungry so I ate some jelly beans.

Next, we had to re-bleach some ends because it didn't lift enough. Oy I'll need to deep condition. Break out the maple syrup. And then she painted a strawberry blonde toward the ends. Sealed it with a glaze, followed by another wash, another cape change, another dry. Ow my neck. Then a cut.

It looks like a flame. Like fiyaaah! Fiya burnin' fiya burnin' on the dance floor. Shawty...What What

Some ombre' looks are bad. Maybe mine is, I don't know.  When it's done right it looks deliberate. Not scraggly two-tone I-went-to-the-beach-last-summer-and-never-cut-off-my-lemon-juice-ends-so-now-I-have-huge-roots.  And not Terri Nunn redux.

I'm not crazy about this platinum ombre, although I find it amusing that some of her hair has been removed and sewn into her boots.

Now makeup is a challenge because the color pales out my face, yet I don't want to pile on the blush or else I'll look like a maraschino cherry walking down the street.  I've read that it's best to stick with neutrals so you don't look like a big Bozo clown.  Buh-bye blue eyeshadow, for the time being.

What's your take on this hair color trend?  If you care. If you don't give a shit, don't tell me that because I would honestly love to hear what others have to say about the distractingly wonderful world of hair.

Things I like right now

Spring is sprouting and so are my fave pretzels. I will always love you, Unique Splits, and even more now that you've got a newish variety of 100% sprouted whole grain. It "digests like a vegetable" which means, what? Fartyness?

I just discovered Minute Rice that actually takes one minute in the microwave. A cup of brown rice, which I know I can do at home, but if I run out of time on a Sunday night cooking-for-lunches session then this will do in a pinch. It even makes asstastic broccoli taste good. Great review here and thanks for the photo, fellow blogger!

For years I've been wearing the comfy and slimming black bootleg pants. I changed it up, though, and am rockin' the slim leg pants. They show off the cute shoes much better than bootlegs, and since it's no longer boot season...go for it.  Lame Giant has a great pair (and so do I!) and now I feel all modern.

This is how I imagine I look. She's in Australia, though.

 

Teal is the new black and a colour that loves me back. So I bought a tealish bag from one of my favourite brands, Big Buddha. The bags are pleather "vegan" and therefore lightweight and dirt-repellent.  Always good to be dirt-repellent. Here's a city-sporty-spice model I love!

I just bought a bunch of new music, but I'm listening now to an underrated Prince, Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic. At the time he was known as @#%&* and I had just purchased Bessie 2, whose CD player -- and tape deck -- still rock after all these years. I was reminded of "Rave" as I learned that friends are opening up a new shop they are calling Tangerine, and I love Prince's little song on the record, of the same title.

Next week: my adventure in shoes!

Things I Like Right Now

...along with the sunshine, of course, especially since I woke up to Ritchie Havens' version of Here Comes the Sun. Which is almost as great as Nina Simone's cover version, which for me comes close to  the original, and, well, that's my fave Beatles song. Go ahead and make fun of the fact that George is my fave Beatle.

 
My new owl ring, $12, from Aldo. And this KIND bar. Gluten-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, Low GI and no damn high fructose corn syrup. I would like a case sent to me, please. Thank you kind-ly.

Cauliflower, probably tops the list of most underrated veg, along with parsnips and beets. Carmelized and pureed, and I even ate it for breakfast. I wouldn't recommend that on a regular basis, though. I keep forgetting to pick up more cauliflower. This serving vessel pictured looks like a pickle.

These shoes I bought on sale for $39 last night. They are reminiscient of the big chunk heels I had in the late 1990s. So comfortable. Probably a 5-hour shoe, no heavy walking. My diva Nikita turned me on to them.

 
My brand new collapsible spirit hoop!  I won it, along with a hoop lesson, at this past weekend's silent auction. I won't be doing any fire hooping...yet. I'm sure this will be a passing fancy, just like that flamenco class.

 
This cute jazzy-rockabilly artist with a voice that's a mix of Gwen Stefani and Amy Winehouse, kind of - but way, waaaay better. Thank you for the recommendation, Madam Jeanette!

Retail Therapy

It really is therapeutic to shed some old clothes and makeup and get some stuff that works better.

I went to Lame Giant and bought a few items at their site, 50% off, then to the actual store to pick them up and they had a big sale and I had a coupon blah blah blah. Their prices are ridiculous so I don't buy anything full price there anyway, it's not worth it.

I found a dress that actually fits and is comfortable and is not black, and it looks like crap on the hanger but good on a body. Straight leg slim pants that don't bag at the knees. These really cool Seven jeans black leggings. Unfortunately those didn't fit right but they're totally versatile and fashiony.

It's the season for pushing the crop pants. The problem with crop pants (cropped pants?) is, depending on your stature and your footwear, crop pants can make you look chunky-clunky, even if you're not.

Unfortunately Lame Giant is awash in crop pants, so it makes me sad that zaftig women would wear tan crop pants with a yellow shirt and substantial black chunky shoes. Because girls, we can do better.

My crop pants rules for work or social occasions are:

1. Shave the legs and moisturize whatever skin is showing.  I have to remember this, which I know is sad. And when you sit, the pants ride up to the knee so do the entire lower leg. Unless you're Mo'Nique.
2. Match up your top to the bottom. By this I don't mean they have to be Garanimal matches. If you have a rounder body, stay monochromatic. Or wear dark navy or green with black. Don't divide your body into obvious horizontal chunks.
3. You're showing lower leg skin, so keep that in mind at work. Don't pair crops with a tube top for the love of God.
4. Or wear a cute short fitted jacket (nothing too boxy, you don't want to look like a big rectangle,) cardigan, or the big white shirt. I love the big tailored white shirt in theory but I don't own one because I look like I'm trying to be a doctor and I usually spill something on it on the first day I wear it.
5. When wearing a crop-pants-ensemble, your shoes can be the star! Shoes with crops should give you a lift. Little kitten heel, short foot-baring pump, or small wedge. Peep toes and d'orsay styles look great - anything that works to elongate the body in your favor. Be careful with mary janes and ankle straps, especially if you're me. They can smallify the feet.

these are Puccis.  Droooooooool. Would look great with crops or skinny Capris.

Is that helpful?  Ballet flats look great with Capris.  I can't really get my head around drawstring crop cargo pants for me, perhaps with some high heels I could look all chic but probably not, I'd probably trip and fall on my ass and feel dumpy so I'll leave that look to girls who are 5' 7".

So really, would you take fashion advice from moi?  I can't even follow my own rules half the time.

How about this? I also managed to fit in a shopping spree at Sephora this week. I finally got some new makeup from Tarte and Make Up For Ever.  Yum.  But before that, I got a demo of the Clairisonic oscillating brush.

Ooooooh my. Fabulous! My face was breathing.  Glowing

Yes, it's an investment, but so are visits to Lucy the esthetician. I calculated that in the long run, it's a really good investment.

Even better, Clairisonic has a new smaller, more affordable "travel model" Mia, that retails for $149.  But here's a secret, it's going to be tomorrow's special value on a certain tv-shopping-site.  Such a deal, and pretty colors (I got pink), and more stuff is included than in the standard package. Score! 

Love and Happiness!

I don't often post about big real-life-friend events, but this one I must share. One of my most loyal readers, and more important, a woman I've known for something like 12 years, told our group of friends that she just got engaged to be married!  

So I'll call her Dallas.  Is that OK, "Dallas?"

When I worked with Dallas, she'd walk into a room and render us speechless. In part because she talked so fast and furiously we could barely keep up. But really, she has this energetic glow and drive. She maintains glamour and composure in some of the most stressful situations, no matter what's going on inside. 

She is the complete opposite of me. 

Never disheveled, always on top of her game, always moving with an urgency I didn't understand. And yet hilariously cutting and self-deprecating at the same time. 

The main hallway of our company was her runway, and she worked it. To this day, especially when I'm going to meet her, I look in the mirror and think "what would Dallas say about this outfit?" and I imagine her saying, "Belt that dress, wear the high heels not the flats, put on a necklace, you look great in purple eyeshadow and for the love of God, get a tan, shave your legs and show some skin!"

I don't always follow that advice because I'm so scattered and neurotic. But, it's ingrained. And it's not merely about appearance, it's about feeling strong and beautiful and self-aware, I think.  I don't know why she's not working for Spendora. Or writing her own blog. HINT.

After years of what I thought was a near-perfect marriage to a charismatic husband who helped her produce two gorgeous little girls, she told me that man was a complete scoundrel and she left him in the dust. For so long our group of friends had gone to great parties with her and that man, with our spouses, and I never suspected a thing.

In the past few years of course I've learned more about what a perfect marriage is and is not, so to use the words "near perfect" is misleading but, anyway, you might know what I mean.

Plus, I'd never had a friend go through a divorce, so, I was shaken. And not that she ever seemed not in control, but then she really took control and righted her life. 

She dipped her toe into the online matchmaking world and then plunged in, and after screening and tossing aside potential suitors who wouldn't even make a final cut so why waste any time with them, she met a new partner. 

Her smile has become even bigger and she's walking taller. I know, it's partly the heels with the skinny jeans and new accessories, but she does walk taller.

The den-mother in me wishes her new fiance a big congratulations for attracting and loving Dallas and her daughters. 

"Dallas," I know you have your wedding almost all planned and a few dress selections on the table. 

Here's one for your consideration. 

From Monique Lhuillier's Fall 2010 collection. Don't wear that hat, please.  But I love the one-shoulder look on you, and this asymmetry and ruching would be stunning. The length with peek-a-boo tulle is absolutely lovely and will be easy to walk in and show off your shoes. 

Felicidades forever!