That title's a take on the The Who song.
Why?
Because I have a shaky hand. So Salty D. sings it to me all the time.
Why?
Because I barely feel bipolar anymore.
A few months ago, my doctor upped the dose of one of my psych meds. It's a big dose. It worked! But you can't have the good without a side effect, with anything at all. And the side effect that came with this new dose is a tremor in my right hand.
There are drugs that can treat the side effect, but I've tried a couple of them with disastrous results. And so, I choose to have a shaky hand. It's distracting and uncomfortable and people think I have Parkinson's. I do not have Parkinson's.
But, like I said, I barely feel like I'm bipolar. I've been steady with regards to depression and mania. I still have anxiety in multitudinal dimensions. But the rest of the bipolar symptoms, well, I can sail through the day without a care about my brain.
Then my hand starts shaking, and I'm reminded why it's shaking and why I'm taking the meds. So although I barely feel like I've got bipolar, this tremor jumps up and reminds me every hour.
Every day I weigh the positive effects with the negative side effects. So far, the drugs have won. And maybe I have won? I don't want to say that and jinx anything. Happy Holidays!
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