Clamming up?

I go to meetings with lots of different people. But one thing's the same - I find myself clamming up during meetings.

Most of the time it's because I'm absorbing what the other people have been saying and formulating my response, usually a question. Then, when I say what I want to say, I get interrupted or even worse - ignored.

 

So when I saw this article today that began:
"Have you ever been in a meeting and wanted to speak up, but didn’t? Perhaps it wasn’t the right time. Maybe you couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and afterwards, you were disappointed, frustrated, or both."

Yes and yes! Getting a word in edgewise happens often. I'm not the kind of person to raise my voice and interrupt others. Others at the table seem to be rushing to ask questions and state opinions as fast as they can. I like to hear all the viewpoints in the room (Or most of them, anyway. Some are just stupid.) So I'm afraid I look like a shlub at the table.

 

The article Why Women Fail to Speak Up At High-Level Meetings, And What Everyone Can Do About It  made me think. I mean, this happens at all levels of meetings, not just high-level, but you know, it's Fast Company where everyone's a go-getter innovative executive.

 

Research showed "While men said their female colleagues weren’t loud enough, allowed others to interrupt them, apologized often, and failed to back up their opinions with evidence, women reported they felt outnumbered and have difficulty reading the room, were uncomfortable with conflict, and any trouble articulating their views was due to timing rather than emotions."

Not loud enough.

I was raised to be quiet. I was praised for being quiet for 18 or more years. I was admonished for loudness, in every way. This is ingrained. So my constant challenge is how do I change the grain?  

Any trouble articulating our views is due to timing, not emotions.

When you're a listener, when's the right time to state your opinion or ask your questions? It can be hard to read a room, especially when it's the first time with a particular group. And we girls know well enough now not to start off a meeting contribution with "I'm sorry, but..." No no no.

The article makes a few suggestions, like "prepare to be spontaneous" and hang around after the meeting with the guys for a few beers...  um yeah, I rarely want to do that these days. I'd rather just get shit done.

As usual with Fast Company, I'm left unsatisfied. I should speak up and tell them that.