blaugra: Butting In

One day in the shower, I discovered, on one half of my otherwise bald doughy butt, a hair. In the middle of the desert, one long coarse hair growing from the center of the cheek. I couldn't see it to pull it out and I didn't want to shave my butt cheek and I couldn't reach it well.

I know this is gross. But people. Strange things start happening to your bod in your 40s. The 40s are GREAT for discovering yourself except for some of these random discoveries. Not that a spontaneous butt hair growth impacts my life.

Except when I went to get a massage.

My neck and shoulders have been fused together. So I called at the last minute and got the only therapist available, a male. I had one annoying experience with a male in the past so I usually request a female. Hearing my hesitation, the receptionist said, "...but he's REALLY GOOD."

Yeah he was. He went deeeeeeep into my aching muscles in my neck and on my back and...in my armpits? That's a first for me. But I didn't care where he went. That's the thing about being over 40, you just don't care if a guy you just met massages your side boob. I had to ice my armpit area afterwards.

The rest of the massage was done Swedish-style, more relaxation-focused than deep tissue. Except when he got to my butt. Right in the middle of my glutes it was sore, probably from sitting on my ass all day. So he worked it out. I had been totally relaxed and not self-conscious at all until I remembered that butt hair, right in the middle of the glute. I suddenly felt very exposed.

He probably can't see it because it's so dark...but can he feel it the way I did in the shower? And why hadn't I taken the time to pluck it? Seriously, I don't think this would affect any massage therapist, but it got me thinking, my monkey mind started up during the massage when I was trying to lay everything aside.

After the massage, he wanted to review a few points with me. He was concerned about my scapula. And a few other things. I kept waiting to hear, "And you really should get that hair yanked out." but of course I didn't, except from my inner voice.