blaugra: On the Sidelines

I've been sitting on the bench, just observing the cycle of life going by without getting really involved in anything. In 2012, I've watched holidays come and go, with people's parties and traditions and yet none of my own to really celebrate in a raucous exciting way. It's been quiet, kind of like sitting on the dock of a bay. I don't feel badly about this. It's kind of a new thing for me. It's weird.

My weekends are not full of parties or events, rather, just time passing with an occasional show or movie or friend visit sprinkled in there. Watching the families walk up and down my street with their dogs or their growing kids as they go to the ice cream parlor that is just two blocks away. I am kind of fascinated with observing but I realize that I'm boring in comparison to my friends. I'd say again how I'm still healing but that's kind of boring too.

I went to a show last week (Flogging Molly) and instead of being in the thick of the crowd, bouncing along to the music, I was happy to stand on the sidelines as a wallflower. At one point during the show I remembered the not-that-distant past when I'd want to be as close as possible to the core of the action. That night I was just content to observe from a distance. I didn't feel old or out of place just kind of ...there.

The singer, probably reflecting on the craziness in the pit, remarked on all the love in the room. I didn't feel the love but I also wasn't irritated by the crowd.

He then said, I can't remember exactly, the true meaning of life is we all have to stick together to get through it. Something like that. Is that right? Anyway it's a good sentiment for right now.

Then the post-show song played was Monty Python. "Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it, life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true." And that's what's been happening here on the sidelines.