Strut it out

Autumn brings a mixture of relief, anticipation, reflection, depression and renewal.

Like, take my car.

TAKE IT.

Really, it's a 1998 Honda. The air conditioning sucks so I'm glad summer is over. I hate the thought of buying a new car and even though I keep saying I'm going to start the process, I haven't. The car, Bessie, has a cassette deck. For the longest time one tape was in the player, Berlitz's "Conversational Russian."  The knobs on the console are falling off, the hood is rusting. It's depressing to drive, even though I know it's just a car. A car is a reflection of you.

When a friend riding in my car remarked that the rough ride and the sounds it was making felt dangerous I decided to check it out. The suspension was all jacked up and it needed new struts. So I rationalized. I don't have the energy to car shop right now. I'll pay for the struts. Now I'll have to drive this car through another few months. It's driving a lot better, and I'll get to play my Conversational Russian cassette tape some more.

Like the car, I've been totally off balance and out of alignment.

And so, I've been to the doctor, the therapist, the gym. And the friends. Many of them feel the seasonal depression or chronic anxiety and are all trying to do something about their issues, but I often don't see theirs because I'm so wrapped up in mine and for that I'm sorry.

I'm tired of crying and panicking and feeling hopeless all over again. I'd like to say that the new year will be sweet but I honestly don't feel that way. And now, it's Mental Health Awareness Week.

As usual, I'm going to WERQ IT as hard as I can. I'm gonna Zumba my ass off in seach of some euphoria. Fake it til I make it (or break it.)

It will be like getting those new struts.  Right?

Comments

[lg]

I never had the whole fall funk thing until last year. It was a few weeks of feeling lost, bored, isolated, etc. It shocked me because fall is my favorite season. It's spring I find depressing (it comes too late in these parts for a girl raised in Texas).

I had such a lazy, great summer with the girls this year and worried fall would hit me hard again. So, I took precautions -- getting super involved in the PTA, making plans with friends, cooking and baking seasonal stuff, and keeping up my gym routine. It worked -- I'm happy and we've settled into our new routines quite well.

I worry about next fall though -- with both girls at school all day. That is going to rock my world.

Hang in there, girl!!

[blaugra]

Thanks girl!