How do you say goodbye?

One of my aunts is dying of cancer.

Downer, I know.

The situation just sunk into my brain over the past day.

She was just transferred to a hospice and people are saying their farewells. 

A few years ago I lost my colorful uncle suddenly.  I wrote about him and that experience a little bit here.

But I've never said goodbye to anyone and I need to do that now because time is getting short. 

My emotions run very close to the surface so I have scheduled a time that I know is good for her, that is also good for me, meaning, so I don't bawl uncontrollably into the phone. She doesn't need to hear that shit. For the love of God, she's dying and she knows what's going on, I don't want to upset her.

In order to keep my shit together and not start blubbering, I'm writing my thoughts down. Yes, a script. What will I say to her?

I'm asking you, what will I say to her? 

She feels like crap and I can't say "Get well soon!" because she won't. She's not eating so we won't talk about the food in that place. 

Someone advised me, "Say thank you for the things she did for you." I thought that was a really good start, if there can be a good start to an end.

Comments

[lg]

Wow. Tough one.

Along the same lines, what about talking about something you learned from her (a great potato salad recipe or how to crochet or to appreciate British humor)... she might like to know that "part of her" will carry on in you. A few "remember when?" stories to get her remembering she had a great life and those memories will carry on once she's gone.

If she has a sense of humor, maybe a few jokes you've heard lately?

Saying good-bye will awkward because it's literal, basically. Maybe simply end with "You are loved." It's not a good-bye and it's not a "you'll be missed" or "I'll see you in heaven" or anything else that will remind her of her passing.

So sorry, La.

[blaugra]

Thank you - very helpful advice! She's a librarian/book lover so I now have a few good things to get me started with this hard conversation tonight.