blaugra: Just Like Richard Gere

Boo-hoo, I've been neglecting my blog. Maybe I've been distracted by, oh, I don't know, a potential nuclear meltdown? Still, that's no reason to turn away from something I've loved dearly for all this time.

I'm no good at writing about world disasters, whether horrific earthquake/tsunamis or Charlie Sheen he who shall not be named. I get all bunched up about both instances.

Speaking of bunched up, I had a little procedure for my friend the kidney stone a few weeks ago. It involved placing a stent all up in there. So yes, I could feel this stent when I walked or slept or, well, anything. I couldn't wait to get the damn thing out.

Yesterday was my emancipation day.

The urologist came into the room and my striped-socks-clad legs went up into the stirrups. I took some small joy in the fact that more men than women had laid on that table with their legs up in stirrups in this place, and that the nurse told me the procedure I was about to have was much worse for men than for women.

Sorry guys, it's just that women get the shaft in so many other ways, that was kind of refreshing.

But that joy slipped away as the doctor started talking about my hair color (reddish) and then the nurse's hair color (white) and then his own hair color (I don't know, I thought he was almost bald.) Then, he got in front of my crotch and said, "I wish I had hair like Richard Gere."

What about my crotch inspired thinking about Richard Gere?

I don't want to know.

But it briefly took my mind off of what he was doing.

Richard Gere has little beady dead eyes. He was hot in Breathless and very entertaining in Chicago. But is his hair really his best asset? I thought about this while trying to yoga breathe.

Then I heard, "Ooops."

Not what you want to hear when a doctor is going all up in there and you're in an awkward position.

"Let's try that again." because it wasn't uncomfortable enough the first time.

Then the nurse said, "I remember when you had hair like Richard Gere, maybe 20 years ago."

I laughed, "Richard Gere, really?" but again it was that HA HA HA HA! uneasy laugh.

"Yeah, he is just such a good looking guy -- oh, and here we go, we're done! See this little thing?" He showed me the stent. I expected a little tiny thing, but what he held in his hand looked to me like a piece of a freaking coat hanger.

"Jesus, no wonder...!" I exclaimed.

"No big deal. Clean yourself up and we'll talk." Isn't that what Richard Gere said to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

File under: TMI