It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

The feeling, not of stabbing pain, but like someone using a sledgehammer to pound a chisel into my abdomen, that's what woke me up early on Saturday morning.

I thought it was the after-effects of my New England clam chowder.

I made chowder for the first time, using bacon, butter, half-n-half, redskin potatoes, and extra clams. Mmm it was good. But it was a thin consistency, so D. said, "It could be thicker." I found my corn starch (a non-GMO "great source of calcium" can in the pantry) and thickened it. And went a little crazy with thickening it, as it became the consistency of paste.

Oops.

So I thought it was the pasty corn starch that was causing the shooting pain.

I drank water, I cursed my own cooking, I tried to sleep in different positions. It only got worse.

I did deep breathing exercises that sounded like this:  "Eeeeeeeeeecccch - OW OW OW OW"

Paced the floor, did yoga stretches. Ended up rolling on the floor writhing in pain during the so-called yoga stretches.

Salty D. woke up. "What'sa matter? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No no no no no more hospitals. I just want the pain to go away. I don't need a hospital."  I had just spent 3 days in a hospital with my mom, and a week before, with my dad. Salty went back to sleep.

One more hour of pacing the floor in my oversized flannel pj's and fluffy robe that I kept tripping over, moaning while Googling my symptoms.  Now I knew it wasn't the chowder.  I was convinced my appendix was about to rupture except the pain was on the wrong side of the body.  That didn't add up at all. I was supposed to wait four hours to see if the abs pain continued, but I couldn't make it to four hours.

I decided a trip to the ER was in my immediate future. So at 3:30 am, I thought it was wise to take a hot shower. I hadn't shaved my legs in quite a while and I didn't want to go to the ER with B.O. and hairy legs. So I haphazardly shaved, in between moaning OW OW OW OW, leaving grassy patches all over my legs. I thought the hot water would be soothing. Nope. I slammed my hands against the shower stall "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING OOOOONNNNNN!"

I got out of the shower and immediately stuck my head in the toilet.

This is the symphony that followed:

Me:  BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCH! (violently hurling)  "OW!  Dave!" calling to him in the next room.

D:  Snoooooooore

Me:  BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCH!  "OOWWW!  DAVE!"

D:  Snooooooore

Me:  BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCH!  "DAVE!  DAVE! DAAAAAVE!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!"

D:  Snooooooore

Me:  BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCH!  "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WAKE UP AND GET DRESSED!!!"

D: Snooooooore

Wow, I'm glad the house wasn't burning down. I'm pretty sure my neighbors were about to come running, though.  I jumped up and down on the bed and turned on all the lights to wake him up.

I managed to get into some clothes and Uggs and brush my teeth and pick out a scarf from the hall closet all while clutching my belly and making ridiculous noises.

We got in the car at 4 a.m. That's what I like to do, visit emergency rooms at 4 a.m. on a weekend. You never know what you're going to get.  Suddenly the pain went away. I walked into the ER and turned back and said, "Maybe we should just go. I feel like an ass."

Thankfully D. made me stay just to be sure. A few quick tests revealed a kidney stone. My first stone. Awwwww.  I love being over 40.

The hospital gave me a shot of morphine, a shot of something else and a shot of something more for nausea.  I nodded off while listening to the guy next to me talk about his life story for about 90 minutes, which included being in a Mummers group in Philadelphia.  I looked over at D. who pantomined a gun being inserted into his mouth.

That's .... not.....funny..... I tried to say.  But I didn't care, because the morphine was AWESOME-O.

During the last month I realized I had not been drinking enough water and eating too much cheese and milk and sugar. Did that cause a stone? I take extra vitamin D. Did that cause it? Did stress cause it? Oy, so many things can cause it. Now I'm reading not to eat dark leafy greens. 

"They" say that a moving kidney stone is more painful than childbirth. I find that hard to believe. But I've never been through that. I would guess it's more painful for men, who can't really compare it to childbirth, but who are probably the "they" that say it's more painful than childbirth.

Anyway, if you've ever been graced by this experience please let me know what you did about it.

 

Comments

[Tom Guarriello]

Yikes! Sounds horrible. Glad you can write about it. Don't do that again, mmkay!

(The Dave sleep part was funny.)

[Average Jane]

You have my sympathy! I wound up in the hospital with my first kidney stone and I'm pretty sure I've passed a couple of smaller ones since then but I just toughed it out.

You'll learn that NO ONE has any useful information to offer you re: what causes kidney stones or how to avoid them. When I was in the hospital, they mentioned coffee and dairy as culprits, then proceeded to serve both items to me at breakfast.

[blaugra]

whoa, you had to stay in the hospital long enough to get a breakfast? Sorry to hear that. I'm curious to hear what the urologist is going to say later this week. I can't believe I now have a freakin urologist.