On the end of the best friend...nooooo!

As I read the NY Times article and subsequent opinion pieces about schools trying to control "best friend" relationships, I thought back to my childhood and how those long-ago close friendships affect me today. Inasmuch as I love being part of groups and not being an outsider, I cherish the longtime friends I still have today, the people I naturally gravitated toward at one time in our lives.

This bit brought a big smile to my soul:

"The days when children roamed the neighborhood and played with whomever they wanted to until the streetlights came on disappeared long ago, replaced by the scheduled play date. "

Okay, only the first part of the sentence brought a smile. That was awesome. I can still feel dark, dewy, freshly mowed grass on my bare feet at 9:30 PM, and I can still hear the admonishment to wash my grass-stained feet before walking on the shag carpeting when I was finally called in the

house from playing flashlight tag or chasing lightning bugs.  What the hell was a scheduled play date?

And did you have someone like this?

"FROM the time they met in kindergarten until they were 15, Robin and her friend Penny were inseparable. They rode bikes, played kickball in the street, swam all summer long and listened to Andy Gibb, the Bay City Rollers and Shaun Cassidy on the stereo. When they were little, they liked Barbies; when they were bigger, they hung out at the roller rink on Friday nights. They told each other secrets like which boys they thought were cute, as best friends always do."

Yes, I did. Maybe not just one. I had some friends with whom I roller-skated, some with whom I played Barbies or Little People, some with whom I played Nertz and some with whom I listened to Andy Gibb. And Rick Springfield.  And most times we were all together. We were either friends in the cul-de-sac or friends from our classes or activities.  We each bonded at different times over different things, and yes, sometimes we turned on each other. We made each other cry. I was mean to some people and they were mean to me. It was a lot like relationships in the adult world. Some people I still treasure as friends and some friendships faded away, having served their purpose in 1984 or 1994.

So why is it that parents or teachers are trying to control, what I think, a basic human behavior of a kid pairing up with someone?  DON'T SCHOOLS HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS? Can't a kid have a best friend in 4th grade, to laugh and bond together?  Even if some of that bonding is making fun of another kid?  You think that ridiculing and bullying won't happen in groups too?  Puh-leeeze. I had groups of kids gang up on me. If it weren't for some individual best friends as my rock I never would have made it through with a toothy smile.

And how are kids who never pair up with a BFF or two going to relate in the real world and have one-on-one real conversations?  How far does a Facebook poke go toward telling someone you're thinking of them? 

As kids grow up are they going to be able to take the initiative to form their own relationships or will they just spinelessly wait to be placed into a bucket of 10 people?  Play dates at age 18. Mass communication may still be a joke to some people (I'm so tired of tv-personalities and ads mocking Twitter and other social media - LAME!) but it's changing the present and the future of how humans relate. I don't know if I'm going to like future humans. Heads stuck on butts with thumbs, that's all we'll be. Will kids today have IRL friends in the future?

As to teachers separating two kids who say they are besties:  if the kids want to stay friends, they will. One of my best friends and I were separated by a teacher in class because we giggled and whispered too much. That only increased our in-class note-writing (prehistoric texting) and after-school mall-walking. 

Argh, I'm so frustrated I'm not even making sense!  

Is a best friend really just someone you like more than others, to exclude others? Or is it something else?  No, I think it's something else. I think that some of the teachers who are fighting the BFF behavior are sad they didn't have that themselves. It's up to parents and other adults to show kids how to be a good friend.

Here's a message from Auntie Blaugra to kids everywhere:

Kids, keep your personal freedom to choose your friends.

Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. That's what Facebook is good for.  

Never forget that to have a friend you have to first be a friend whether you're one-on-one or in a group. 

Listening is more important than talking.

Friendships are hard work and require time, not just texts. But they're a good investment of time and energy.

Don't read too much into silence (that was the kiss of death for one of my longtime friendships -- a poorly managed email account, a broken computer and lack of response -- that a friend took as a shunning silence and we never recovered, which just means it was meant to end anyway) it doesn't mean someone is any less fond of you, they're just busy, or lazy, or their equipment is failing. But don't get all dramatic and shit about it, you just make it worse.

Breaking up is never easy. At least for one of you.

If you don't have a best friend, don't sweat it. Someday you might (if you're lucky.)

Comments

[KtP]

I wish there were a "like" button for this post.

[Beth!]

PLEASE let me be the Andy Gibb friend! That's all I ask...

[blaugra]

OF COURSE!

p.s. singalong Grease, in theaters now!

[Jordans 5]

Henceforth will we shed only tears of sweat, for those of sadness or remorse or frustration are of no value in the market place whilst each smile can be exchanged for gold and each kind word, spoken from my heart, can build a castle.