#sadness #death #compassion #anger #twitter

On Monday afternoon, I saw this tweet:

"Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool" written by "military_mom" and retweeted by a "dear friend."

Holy shit!  What did that mean, I thought?  Did the 2 yr old just fall in the pool? Did he fall in the pool earlier that day and hurt himself? Did he drown?  Tragically, sadly, the boy drowned.  The mom later posted a couple of photos of her "million-dollar baby" and there were countless tweets back to her of prayers, condolences and RIPs.

This was awful. I felt like I witnessed the accident myself.  I certainly witnessed the outpouring of emotion, in spurts of 140 characters or less. Not once did I doubt that this woman had lost a child.

The way I see it, this mom has a big online network of friends, a support network. I don't know anything else about her but these awful tweets which were preceded by something about chickens in her yard, I didn't pay attention. 

Then, skepticism came knocking.  A couple of Twitter users questioned the mom, especially in light of the fact that the 'twitterverse' had exploded before with news about the Balloon Boy fraud and various celebrity death hoaxes. As a donation site was set up by the mom's friends, cautious Twitterers said, "Wait a minute - make sure this is legit before giving your money, we've been burned before."

Then, anger ensued. Some Twitter users said that military_mom had been ignoring the kid because she was twittering too much, and that she lost track of him and found him in the pool.  Some Twitter users said she was a horrible mom and that social media has gone too far when a mom tweets about a child's fatal fall.

Then, big drama. People who supported military_mom called the skeptics and the critics "trolls" "assholes" "bitches" "spammers" and worse, and quarrels erupted.

I thought about this a lot and it was bugging me.  I don't think it's wrong for someone to ask about the facts and I think skeptics are still being supportive but in their own skeptical way. When I'm not being completely guillible I'm often a skeptic.

But, beware, just like in real life...this klatch of tweeters is pretty tight.  This angry mob of women who would support this Twitter/blogger friend to the ends of the earth were also acting like girl bullies, trying to twitter-ban the few people who questioned, threatening to open up cans of whoop-ass all over the internet. Eeek. Don't want to be on their bad side. In fact, I'm not gonna tweet this post because I don't want them getting all whoop-assy on me.  My choice.

Then I got mad at the judgy-jerks who tweeted "How dare military_mom tweet this tragedy! Doesn't she care?  This isn't normal! You don't turn to the internet, you call 911, you call family, friends, neighbors.  That's not what Twitter is for. In the midst of people tweeting about television and what they had for lunch and vacation giveaways this mom announces the death of her son?!"  Oooh, careful there. Judge not lest ye be judged, people.

I responded...duh. That's what a social network is. Obviously she cares, very much, and obviously she needs support.

Twitter has provided a framework for a support system, a social circle, for anyone who wants to use it, however they want to use it. That's the beauty. We have all built up the kind of network that we want on Twitter. This is normal.

This Mom reached out to people who are real contacts to her, people with whom she shares her life: her Twitter followers. How is that different, I asked in my tweets, than starting a phone-tree, or talking to your co-workers or church group, or having neighbors visit you at your home immediately following your return from the hospital, to help you grieve?  Is the prayer chain tweet the new sympathy card? 

This IS real.  This is grieving in the public square. This is fascinating.

P.S.

link to Gawker

link to ABC News

link to The Awl

link to MSNBC video interviews

 

Comments

[Susan]

Because I wanted to tweet this so bad, and didn't out of fear of crucifixion- these Twitter Dramas seem to bring out the same people-the same five people stirring the pot.
This person who is questioning said probably 5 things that to me were a bit "bitchy" and heartless- but in my opinion it is better to ignore her- If nobody gave her mind she'd probably fade into the social networking wall.

[Tellie]

Nice post. I watched this all unravel in real time as well. I am always hesitant/skeptical when it comes to what is posted on the internet since I've seen a few scams myself. But I also did not want to question a mother that could very possibly be grieving. I'm sure she feels guilty enough already, I know I would. Even if my negligence or lack there of wasn't the direct cause of the accident. There simply is no need to rub it in.

[Lurker Girl]

.... Annnnd this is why I don't use Twitter.

[tanyetta]

i am so sad for this little boy. he's gone. he's never coming back. could this have been prevented? i'm so sorry for their loss.

[thepsychobabble]

good points. Caution is a great idea, especially when it comes to monetary donation.
And the "bad mom" accusations over tweeting that something huge, albeit horribly tragic, had just happened in her life are ridiculous.
I've received a lot of support from teh internetz before, if something truly tragic happened, why wouldn't I turn back to those same people?

[blaugra]

exactly! thank you for your comments.
I would turn to my internets for support of some kind.
This could have happened to any mom, any child care giver, who is distracted by anything, so it's always preventable. A chicken could have been running loose. A giant helicopter could have landed in the yard. A mom could be smoking crack. All can lead to a tragedy.
The women blindly calling her a "bad mom" because she "tweets the day away" are way too judgmental, especially at this time of intense grief. Yes I'm judging them for being judgmental.

[blaugra]

Thank you to http://stopdropandblog.com/ for posting this on BlogHer's forum. The drama continues. As military_mom and her friends grieve in real time, one woman makes it her crusade to prove to the world that military_mom was a negligent mother because of her use of Twitter. This one woman who I don't care to name has like one good point in the beginning of all of this, then she jumps into the deep end and it seems she's on a personal quest.

The truth is, I think, you can be distracted by anything. Something bad can always happen. It's wise to make sure internet stories are factual before sending money to a cause. It's important to support your peer in her time of need.

Beyond that, I don't understand why this is exploding and why this one woman is going on MSNBC to make a giant case out of specifically mom-bloggers, except she has a bug up her ass and she wants publicity. I'd think it would be in the best interest of the twitterverse to stop fanning the flames of fame for this other woman.

[Angel]

I wrote a blog post on this one myself, what you said is so true. As a mother who has lost a child no one knows how you will react, but you reach out for support. Your whole world has collapsed and yes Mom herself was feeling guilty at that time. The fact is, people think they know how people should react. the think everyone shuld react as they do. that is not true. Military Mom is one of my followers and I follow, My first reaction was prayer, for her and for her son. More people should have that compassion.