At the Dalai Lama's lecture this morning, I had so many monkeys in my mind I could barely focus. I'm not attempting to be Buddhist or even enlightened but was curious about seeing the spiritual leader of Buddhism so I can round out my religious education a little. I've seen the head of the Catholic church, Il Papa, zooming through the piazza at the Vatican in his popemobile. And for Judaism, well, I have my mother-in-law.
I'll talk about emptiness and happiness another time. This is what was really going on in my mind:
9:30 am : HOLY shit, that's the freakin' Dalai Lama. Where's Adam Yauch? I bet he's here somewhere. I can't believe I'm checkin' out the Dalai in the same arena where I had front row seats for Adam Ant.
9:37 am : Wow, this chanting bit is going on too long.
9:42 am : Chanting is done. HHTDL said to the chanters, "Thank you. A bit long." Hey, he's funny!
9:56 am: Oh piss it, he's speaking in Chinese. Wait, an interpreter. Can't hear interpreter. OK that's better. Even spiritual leader types have technical difficulties.
10:05 am: What's with all these people arriving late?
10:06 am: What's with all these people getting up and leaving?
10:07 am: Why would you wear high heeled white mules to see the Dalai? OK, focus. Karma, wisdom, suffering. OK. Let me write those words down...
10:08 am: Wow, all those monks in saffron colors are so pretty. Those would be great colors for a dining room.
10:25 am: Why can't people sit still? Seriously. Why did you come if you were just going to get up to go get coffee, sit down, then get up again to go to the bathroom. OK, focus. COMPASSION. Write it down.
10:30 am: These bleachers are cold and my sit-bones hurt. My yoga teacher said that, "sit bones," I love that. Maybe I should go back to yoga.
10:34 am: I smell B.O. wafting up from smelly hippies, and the guy behind me is eating something crunchy out of a crinkly bag, and the freakin' Dalai Lama is speaking. Didn't he have breakfast? Geez! Has he no respect? Seriously. Am I taking this too seriously?
10:45 am: HHTDL makes jokes. This guy's hilarious. But could he tell me to calm down? Could he just say into the mic, "Laura, be calm?"
11:00 am: Why do people have to wear clothes that jingle-jangle with every movement? Plus, I'm hungry. But I had breakfast. Gum, where is my gum?
11:03 am: Where is everyone going? Arrive late, leave early? What the hell are you all doing here if you're not going to listen? Settle down people! OMG I'm SO irritated!!! Laura, settle yourself!
11:10 am: I really feel like this treatise thing is really repetitive. Oh, look, a girl wearing a Burberry schmata!
11:13 am: I think one of the monks on stage is asleep. That's funny. Wait, what was that he just said about "contaminated karma?" Fuck. I have to get out of here. STOP CRINKLING YOUR SNACKS. A girl just fell off her flip-flops on the stairs and sprained her ankle. Serves you right for leaving early. OOOH that was NOT compassionate!
11:20 am: I really really have to get out of here. I hate everyone and my ass hurts.
11:27 am: Dalai's funny. He just finished up a bit about afflictions and then he said, "OK. Break!"
Now we're on lunch break. THANK GOD. I can't eat lunch here. It looks crappy and there are waaaaaay too many lines. I have to get out of here, I can't breathe. I can't breathe - I CAN'T BREATHE!
I left my friend with another friend (so I didn't just bail on her) and drove away to the familiar, where I could be alone and with some iced coffee and sushi and I contemplated a cookie in the shape of a flower with orange sprinkles on it. Next time I go to see a big spiritual honcho, remind me to pack my klonipin.
this is very funny, i can relate on so many levels.
the general public get on my nerves too.
Posted by: Piglet | 12 July 2008 at 02:57 AM