How could you go on vacation without your husband? Are you having marital problems?
While it would have been reeeeaally cool for Salty D. to join us, he couldn't. And we're not having relationship troubles. Au contraire mon ami.
I don't believe you. I could never leave my spouse/partner behind for a week during the xmas holidays.
Get over it.
Did you drink the tap water?
No, dummy. You only drink the purified water. The most challenging thing to remember was to use the bottled water to brush my teeth. A couple of times I forgot. So I'm the dummy.
Did you get sick?
No. Not yet, anyway. I'm a little gassy from the flights, if you must know.
Are there big rats and cucarachas roaming the streets?
No. We did see really big bats, though. I was grateful for them because I had a dozen mosquito bites on my legs.
Did you get robbed/beaten/kidnapped?
No. Most all the Mexicans were really kind and polite. I felt perfectly safe walking around by myself during the day. Even though one in my party practically issued an Amber Alert when I took an early morning walk on the beach. Besides, as my mother told me when I was six years old and thought that someone was trying to snatch me, "Oh stop it! Who would want to kidnap you?"
Were you attacked by a crocodile/iguana/snake/scorpion/giant killer frog?
No. Although we saw lots of iguanas. Big ones.
Come on, fess up - did you have an affair with a cute young Mexican boy?
No. But I did learn what the term "eye-fucking" meant. Dios mio!
Did you get high on illegal drugs grown in the perfect mountain climate for trafficking to the U.S.?
No, there were too many anti-drug police with machine guns.
So, you didn't see the inside of a Mexican jail?
You're being ridiculous. Next question!
Did you schedule any inexpensive and probably dangerous cosmetic surgery procedures for your next visit? Such as breast implants or lipo-shaping in the buttocks?
While I did meet a very prestigious internationally-trained cosmetic surgeon who gave us a tour of his clinic, no, I did not. And would not.
Did you make any new American friends?
Well...most of the tourists there were actually Mexican. There was this one traveller from the states with whom we became very simpatico. I can't remember her name, though...(private joke, sorry) Other than her, I recalled that I dislike most USAmerican tourists. As a general population we're big boneheads.
Did you eat at the Taco Bell? Heh-heh-heh
Thank God there weren't any fast food American restaurants in Zihua. I hope it stays that way! I can't imagine wanting to eat crap like that in a place with such amazingly fresh, cheap, fast food! The only north-of-the-border food we ate was Coca-colas and M&Ms.
All the Mexicans spoke English, right?
Wrong. I had to bring the Spanish (and Spanglish) back to the brain. It was fun!
Did you see any "wetbacks"?
At the pool, yes. Oh, and there was a sandwich on our hotel's menu called "The Wetback." I can't remember what its ingredients were, but we thought that was muy strange.
Did you bring sexy back?
Si, si!
I was so careful not to drink any water that wasn't bottled when I was in Puerto Vallarta. A couple days in, as I guzzled my thirtieth iced tea, I realized what an idiot I was. What did I think iced tea was made from? Where did I think the ice cubes came from? Then I realized my guts were fine and quit worrying about it.
Posted by: Peeved Michelle | 29 December 2007 at 03:56 PM
You didn't answer my question... did you wear the long dress?
Posted by: Lurker Girl | 30 December 2007 at 06:53 PM
Oh yeah, I was in Acapulco. I knew it was one of the Love Boat stops.
Posted by: Peeved Michelle | 30 December 2007 at 09:41 PM
I did not pack that dress, lurker girl. I'm glad I didn't because 1) I did not need to draw any more attention to my breasts especially after the "eye-fucking" by a 17 year old boy when I was wearing a simple bathing suit and 2) it was too damn hot there to wear anything that covered the ankles. I had other cute clothes though. :)
I would like to go to Puerto Vallarta!
Posted by: blaugra | 31 December 2007 at 11:45 AM