anti-brainiac

I get a call today, and it's some broad who saw my name somewhere and she wants to "reconnect." 

The following conversation is completely true, I have only changed all the real proper names to fake so you can't tell who I'm talking about.

So she said, "Are you on the board of We Make Homeless People Take Showers Once A Week?"

Me:  "No, I've never heard of that organization."

Broad:  "Oh.  Well, you see, years ago, I knew a Laura Doodoohead, we were on the board for We Make Homeless People Take Showers Once A Week together.  And I thought it was you. "

Me:  "Well, maybe you know me from the organization We Teach High School Dropouts How To Dance and Sing So They Have A False Sense of Pride About Their Bleak Future?"

Broad:  "No, that's not it.  Are you the Laura Doodoohead whose father is the inventor of rapid release douchebags?  Because they changed my life. I'm actually getting choked up just talking about it."

Me: "Awwww.  No, that's not my dad.  My dad didn't invent anything.  Although I do know there's a Laura Doodoohead in this area who is an attorney.  I'm not an attorney, though."

Broad:  "Oh, yes!  That's the Laura Doodoohead I thought you were.  I was wondering why she made such an odd career change from attorney to what you're doing.  That other Laura Doodoohead is more than just an attorney!  She's a handles scientific patents for her father, she's brilliant, a real brainiac!"

Me: "Yeah... that's not me."

Broad:  "Um, oh, well, you're really smart too!  And even though you're not that Laura Doodoohead I remember, I'd still like you to come to our event, which will benefit the organization Cats Who Have Only Two Legs and Need Wheelchairs.  It's going to be a great ladies' luncheon at the country club! "

OK, this broad doesn't even know me and now I'm known in charity event circles as "The Other Laura Doodoohead, Not the Rich Brainy One." 

Fuck that broad and her cats in wheelchairs.  Cats should not have wheelchairs. 

Comments

[dejalurker]

That's it! You are going to be assigned your own chaperone to screen you from these people.

[Peeved Michelle]

That's hilarious. I would totally go to that lunch if I were you.

There is another Michelle MaidenName in this area who is a couple years older than me. She has been to every place in the county that keeps names in a database before I have. No I am not a nursing major. No I don't get a double-process color when I come in for a haircut. No I don't drive a Honda Civic.

[Hazel]

You crack me up!

[Jen14221]

Dear Laura Doodoohead.
This made me laugh my ass off.