days go by

I've really loved writing here, love that my friends got me into it, love that it keeps me in touch with people and introduces me to so many other cool and/or interesting people and concepts, and love that I can express immediately and publicly anything that amazes or interests or galls me.  And as I've told lots or people, it's the one thing that I've been doing that I felt was just for me.   As a Leo, doing something just for me is usually done publicly.

So, the other day I had what I guess you'd describe as a nervous breakdown, I don't know.   I went to the ER doubled over in pain, thinking I was having a heart attack.  I had all the symptoms.   But it was not a heart issue.  I was prepared for the doctors to just blow me off and tell me it was anxiety, but, they didn't.  Which was really kind of them.  I had a bunch of tests done and a reaaaaaaalllllly good IV of some kind of painkiller that made    me     want     to     float     away .      

I didn't even care that people could see my, well, everything.   I do remember apologizing to the EKG guy for having hairy legs.  Yeah.  Have to work on that.  I believe he said, "That's OK, dearie."

Then the main doctor guy came in, D. called him Miranda (behind his back) because for a while we were pretending to be characters on Grey's Anatomy.  Miranda was wearing a scrub shirt TUCKED IN to a pair of brown Dockers.  That is so not a cool ER-doctor look.  I'm just sayin'. 

And Miranda said to me, "What's going on today with you?" 

and I said, "Ummm I guess I'm kind of stressed out or something, but I didn't think I was.   Oh and I have a psych appointment later this afternoon which is a good thing."

And Miranda said, "Yeah?  Have fun with that."

He asked what I had for breakfast.   I winced.  "A diet Coke.  And a pop tart."    FOR BREAKFAST?!  he exclaimed. 

OK.  Diet Coke.  Not that bad.  Really now.  However, I suppose the combo of brown sugar cinnamon pop tart with the diet coke produced a chemical reaction to cause my heart to almost explode out of my chest.  Actually, I always tell people that when they see me eating pop tarts that's a signal that I'm really stressed out. 

Five hours later I was discharged and as I was walking through the hospital lobby, I saw hundreds of handbags.  A lobby purse sale?!  Whoa!  My head started spinning again.  D. grabbed my hand and said, "No shopping today."   

Then to the next stop - shrink gave me some extra meds and said to stop with the caffeine and to definitely stop with the alcohol which I had cut back a ton anyway.  And then I had to go to the therapist. And then I had to go to the regular doctor. And now I have to go get some more tests.  Good thing to do anyway to make sure I don't have anything unnecessary.   

And everyone keeps giving me advice somewhere along the lines of "slow down, you move too fast."  Which I don't think I do. I guess I just move fast in the wrong direction.

Except for one person who said, succinctly, "Yeah, anxiety sucks."  And you know who you are, lurker.

So I have to get through the next couple of weeks until I reach the beach vacation that I've been dreaming of for the past few months.  We have contacted all of our congresspeople, senators, and Condoleeza is next on the list, so we get our passports on time. 

But my long story is, even though I've really loved it here, I'm not feeling the blogging thing for the moment.  I think I'll take a hiatus and come back when I'm healthier.   Cuz I'm kind of groggy and numb.  I got an amazing massage which did more for me than any drug (but unfortunately, costs more).  I took a 2 hour nap at work last week!    Siestas all around - love the naps!

See ya later!

Comments

[Timmer]

Diet Coke in the morning is bad for you? Geesh, maybe that's why I'm fuckin whacked each morning...Have you thought of a move to a sunnier (relative-less) city?

[natz]

I hope this isn't my fault!
The breakfast combo #1 doesn't effect me...I SAID IT DOESN'T EFFECT ME!!
You may take a break Blaugie! But not for long, please!!
And always remember, there are some of us that don't understand mental illness or how to help in the best way or try to pretend it's not really there even though it's REALLY close, and we want you to know that we would do anything if you needed help...dance parties included.
Be well my friend. Live long and vacate!

[blaugra]

Timmer - I HAVE thought of a move out of the damn pressure cooker that is the northeast. Idaho looks good to me now.

And Natz - I see no difference between a cup of coffee and a diet coke. A diet coke is so sparkly and refreshing! Morning DC drinkers unite! I just have to remember not to mix it with pop tarts, or Mentos!, in the future.

Thanks for your kindness peeps

[Anti]

Thank you so much for your help with my paintings and such... it doesn't go unnoticed...i'll miss the daily blog ritual...you're really good at it..please don't go away for long .o0

[Tom Guarriello]

You go rest. We'll be here waitin' for ya when you get back.

xoxo