I paid someone to pummel me, prod me, and flip me like a pancake last nite. A long awaited massage to get rid of the gigantour knots in my shoulders.
I have never felt better! so ridiculously old and creaky!
And you know how massage therapists remind you to drink lots of water to flush out the released toxins? Well, I've been drinking gallons of water and I think I'm still toxic today. I was supposed to do all this physical stuff today but I just want to hook myself up to an IV of something good and lie on the floor.
It's a lotta work to relax during a massage, because this is the dialogue in my mind:
Do I smell? My feet don't smell, do they? *sniff sniff* I can't smell them. Does my butt smell? Do I have to talk? I don't want to talk. I am sooooo relaxed. Wait, no I'm not. Why is that leg tense? Leg! Relax, breathe, OK.
Aaaah. That music is very soothing. It reminds me of New Mexico. Drums, flutes, birds, native Americans... huh. There's one Native American in the House of Representatives. There should be more. Nancy Pelosi. Wait, was that a coyote in the background there? And what's that growling noise - it's like a bear... OK, THAT'S not relaxing. Think of the birds, the pretty birds.
Relax. You should feel like you're being kneaded. Be the bread dough. You are bread dough. Just flop around like dough. Bears like bread - eeek! Can she see my boob? Do I like when the butt cheek is massaged? I'm not sure about that. I didn't think those muscles were tense, but, huh, they're tense now.
Britney is at Sanctuary now. Dammit, I'm not supposed to be thinking about celebrities! I really liked the massage I got there. That place was awesome. Really yummy hot chocolate... fire pits... They played a lot of Yanni. Do my feet smell? Oh crap, it's over already.
I woke up this morning feeling every joint in my body.
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