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Shopping with Blaugra! Holiday Gift List Panic Edition!

Well, I do need to think of others and buy some Hanukkah and Christmas gifts. Now, since I haven't been thinking about others very much, I'm going to end up screwing myself at the last minute by paying too much for some impulse items that I'm not sure are going to be a good fit for the recipient!

First rule of last-minute shopping: BREATHE.

Second rule of last-minute shopping: Don't spend too much on panic-buying. That's hard because you feel a little guilty for waiting until the last minute.

Third rule of last-minute shopping:  Don't panic. It's not really the last minute until Christmas Eve, and even then, you can eschew all deadlines and just give people stuff when you want to. That's what's worked for me in a number of instances.

Anyway, when it comes to gifting, I like the practical, the indulgence, or the experience. Here are some ideas:

My mom and I staged a biscotti baking bonanza, making 4 different kinds, so we each have enough to give people little bags. What a pain in the ass to mass-bake twice-baked cookies, right?  But they're made with love.  These are my go-to gift for my office-mates. This recipe seems to be everyone's favorite: Cranberry Pistachio Biscotti.

Salty D.'s go-to for his office-mates? Lottery tickets. Hey, all you need is a dollar and a dream.

On the main street of my hometown, there's an oil and vinegar tasting bar and shop. It's super-fun to taste the different olive oils and balsamic vinegars, until your tummy starts to hurt from doing shots of oils and vinegars. Giving a unique set of, say, Blood Orange Extra Virgin Olive Oil with Oregano Infused White Balsamic Vinegar along with a recipe can be very thoughtful.

Giving to charities can be such a personal thing, so I hesitate to give in somebody's name to a charity that they may support. But if you know for sure that someone wants money to go there, then what a great gift!  A local food bank or soup kitchen is always a safe bet. Maybe even better, a membership to a museum or environmental center that they already love or can discover can give back all year long.

My sister-in-law told me that gift cards and photo frames were thoughtless gifts that took little effort and therefore meant less than, say, carefully selected scarves. But I disagree. And, I still give her gift cards. Often the most appropriate thing for someone is a gift card. My brother, for example, is getting a gift card for a drug store near his house. Why? Because he's mentally ill, he doesn't drive, and he doesn't have income. See? Great gift! Not thoughtless at all. Of course he'll probably lose the card. (That was thoughtless of me to say.)

For kids, I'm kind of clueless about what to get them that they don't already have. Most kids I know have enough toys and clothes, so what can you give?  Here's some help. Apparently I forget what it's like to be a kid and have a huge list of toys for Santa to bring, I'm totally jaded and practical. "You have enough Star Wars figures, kid!" Sheesh.

My BFF luckily told me that one of her kids is saving up money to attend a big event next summer. Right on the money.  She asked me if I thought that was gauche to request.  Just the opposite! That benefits everyone because it won't involve any irritating store returns and it's easy on the auntie.

Have you finished your gift shopping? 

Oops ...I just remembered that for the 8 nights of Hanukkah, I have only purchased 3 nights worth of gifts for Salty D.  I'd better get to that before panic sets in.

Shopping with Blaugra! Gifts-for-yourself edition!

I'm horrible at Christmas shopping.

Some people gift-shop all year 'round and save up their unique finds and bargains to give at xmastime. Some people do it all on Black Friday. I have no system and I've become bad at finding the perfect gifts for the few people on my holiday shopping lists.  But that's a topic for another blog post.

The biggest reason that I'm horrible at Christmas shopping is that most of the shopping ends up being FOR MYSELF.

Call me selfish. But I'll bet most of you are the same way with finding just as much stuff for yourselves (or more) than you find for others. It really is great to give to youself, isn't it?

I was getting a complexion makeover at Sephora in NYC the other day. A girl with pink glittery hair and eyebrows was working her fairy dust magic on my face with a new tinted moisturizer, which I NEEDED.

It's great for aging skin and the wintertime, it's more moisturizing then other tinted moisturizers I have used, and it doesn't have parabens and all that bad stuff in it.

Speaking of New York, the 50% off of everything in the store sale at NY&Co sucked me in at the mall and I bought a pair of skinny petite jeans. Not these fabulous red ones, but the standard dark wash because I'm not that daring.

Back in the big city... I love Uniqlo and visited their store in Soho again. I was intrigued by the very lightweight and low-priced down jackets but didn't want to carry one home with me. But I was SUPER intrigued by the HeatTech line. I bought a camisole and socks and they were reasonably priced and promise to keep me toasty in my drafty house.

Across the street from Orchard Corset, where I gifted myself with some brand new bras, was a vendor selling trendy hats, including a gray tweedy newsboy cap with feather detail. PeevedMichelle's eagle-eye-for-style spotted it for me. I should have only paid $8 for it but I didn't haggle at all. What the hell is wrong with me?  Well, at least it wasn't a red hat. I'm not ready for that yet.

I adore Jennifer Lopez's line from Kohl's, even though some of it looks heinous on me. Some of it does not look heinous. Especially the handbags. On Black Friday, I used Kohl's cash to buy a couple of gifts for others aaaaaaand then more gifts for myself, from J.Lo.

I couldn't resist trying this on.  I felt ridiculous, like a big golden egg. Or a golden Jiffy Pop:

 

Now I think I'm done buying clothes for myself for a while. No really, I am.

Don't forget to buy yourself a facial or massage or botox this season, too! 

Shopping with Blaugra! Quick-fall-basics edition!

So, I'm in between sizes. So fucking what. My calves are neither narrow nor wide, I'm neither Petite nor Plus. But a girl still needs fall clothes while she is working on slimming down and eating every product that Special K makes. (I can't help it they're all so crunchy!)

1. Trench coat. I have mentioned Joan Rivers' trench coats, which are great. I have one with leopard lining. I just bought another because it's good to have options. This one from Old Navy fit perfectly and is on sale right now.

2. Boots. I am attracted to the new Crocs boots for comfort. Shut up, I know they're fugly. But also, I need a semi-well-heeled option. I tried on 10 pair of boots that fit my wide little feet and I found one pair that actually fit my legs. Just right. Thank you, Annie.

3. Cougar-wear. I had a lot of fun trying on most of New York & Company's fall line and throwing it against the mirror. I happened to love the gray-teal animal print separates (that I can't find on their site, WTF) but lucky for my friends they didn't fit. This time. I liked this twisty top, which reminded me of my Target Merona twisty top that is starting to fall apart after 10 years. 

And look at this cute wrap sweater, which looks fab...on the model!

4. Maxi sweater dress. No, I didn't. But I was shocked by these when I saw them in person and WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS LOOK. Please explain who will carry this off. You have to be 5' 9" to do so, I think, even with a belt.

 Now I just need, "NEED," a new bag.

Have you found anything surprisingly wonderful shopping lately? Any Fashion Night Out finds?

 

Shopping with Blaugra! Now without tears!

These are among the wide-width shoes that I have rejected during the past month.

Those snakeskin-pattern ones were especially painful to return because they were almost a fit, but, otherwise, all of the ripping-into-the-boxes and shoe store visits looked like Drucilla trying to shove her feet into her stepsister's glass slipper.

I finally found a pair. A pair of shoes that's not flat. No, it's not pictured here. I don't really love the new shoes but I'm keeping them for those occasions where Crocs or Docs just won't do.

Two more items I've purchased this summer that are usually the worst clothes shopping experiences turned out to be the easiest.

The Swimsuit. I'm on the Lands' End bandwagon with this Grecian one-piece. I won't be posting a photo of myself wearing it but I don't mind being seen in public at the pool. It was the only suit I tried on.

The Jeans. I took the plunge and paid the big bucks for Not Your Daughter's Jeans. I don't have a daughter so the name is kind of weird. But, they are totally comfortable and they make me look tall. And, ya see, you've got your regular length and petite length, right? I fall in between, and NYDJ has an in-between length called "shorter" which is exactly my size. BAM!

The only thing crying now is my wallet.

Shopping with Blaugra! Lite edition!

I realized I don't have any shoes that fit that are appropriate fancy party shoes. For the past two years I've gotten by with a pair of Biviel vintage-modern peeptoe t-strap platform pumps...which I ADORE. I bought them from the clearance rack at DSW.

But being an American woman, I need more options.

Sadly, I've been so unsuccessful in my months-long search for party shoes. Or summer wedges. Or cute flats. Almost every shoe purchase made this year has been returned, almost every shoe store excursion has ended in dismay. Meanwhile, it's midsummer.  And I have nothing to wear to any yacht party I might be attending next month.

But I love my Crocs. The Crocs don't get returned. I have 6 pairs of Crocs flats. I have a problem.

I'm going to rock this pair, rock it inside out, at BlogHer. 

They're so 1984. 

They're so ugly that they're fantastic.

They feel like little massaging pillows (until they get too sweaty, then it's simply time to change pairs, since I have 6. Plus, they're so light, carrying around an extra pair is like carrying a pocket of air.)

Along with another big box of shoes that will probably be returned, I also just ordered this necklace because it made me... LOL.  I may free-return it after admiring it for 5 minutes, but not before I laugh some more.

"I got these big knockers"

I started a walk/run program with a friend. I'd call it Couch to 5K except I'm not following the program exactly yet. My friend has it downloaded to her iPod and I just follow her. 

My knees hurt already, but, I haven't keeled over yet so I think it's pretty successful after the first couple of outings. Of course, while we're running for those initial 30-second bursts, we say things to each other like, "I think I'm dying." and "C'mon, we're over 40. It's time to take back our bodies!"  

Also, we said, "My boobs are killing me!" 

I decided to go to a department store to pick up a sports bra.  What woman doesn't have at least an old sports bra in her dresser?  This woman.

So I'm in the store concentrating on the varied selection of uniboob causing contraptions, since it's been a long time since I've bought one, and another customer pushes into the same rack, and she said, "I'm sorry, but I have to get my daughter one of these."  

"That's OK..." I responded, like a doormat. Then I turned and came face to face with her daughter, a tween-aged girl who said, "Hi what's your name? What's your name?" 

"Um...hi. I'm Laura. What's yours?"

"Hi Laura look what I got today...games! Games! Games!  Laura, look!"  

Her mom hurriedly went through the sports bras looking for an extra-small size for her daughter. "Tiffany, you didn't tell her your name."  

"Laura guess what I did? I took a nap on that couch over there." 

I was uncomfortable.  Why?  The child seemed to have some kind of developmental disability, and was also being kind of a pain in the ass. The mom was breezing through the racks. But I felt awkward, just waiting for them to get done with their shopping so I could finish my search, and in the meantime, conversing with Tiffany.

I don't know why it bothered me. Especially since I used to work with an organization that provided services to people with all kinds of developmental disabilities, so I've been schooled. But I still didn't know how to be me around this mother and daughter, just some stilted version of myself.  I told myself to stop being a jerk. 

Then the mom turned around and said to me, "This is the BEST sports bra. Look, I got these big knockers and it's awesome for me." Wow, she really did have a big, tanned rack, I noticed.

She handed me this bra - Bali Active by Champion. 

My mood was instantly lifted by this helpful mom who clearly had her hands full. And who called her boobs "knockers."

The bra is awesome.

Shopping with Blaugra! Big color edition!

I think I've mentioned that I'm not a size 6.  Or size 10.  Right now I'm "in between sizes." And I don't feel great about moving from size to size, so it's not fun to shop.

Or...is it?

Today I'm looking at pops of color!

I was in a long meeting on a grey day and every woman I saw who was over a size 10 was wearing a black or grey jacket with a black or grey bottom and black shoes with squareish low heels.  And I thought GIRLS, WE CAN DO BETTER.  During the meeting I re-dressed them in my head in colorful fun dresses.

SimplyBe catalog had showed up on my doorstep, advertising sizes 10-28. I got confused because there was a British flag on the cover so I thought they meant UK sizing, which, I learned the hard way, is different.

(I had purchased a really great black dress from the "big-boob experts" at Bravissimo in what I thought was my size but it turned out to actually be two U.S. sizes too small. That's okay, a smaller-sized friend benefited from that screwup.)

But you can order this colorful flouncy dress in a U.S. size:

I am also smitten by this number:

I mean, look! It has little deely-bobs on the sleeves! How cute is that.

I think either of these dresses would be lovely with these:

I just adore that lucite heel and combination of materials. No?  How about a more coloriffic sandal?

And they come in a wide width. Oh be still my little Flintstone-footed-heart.

I'm utterly obsessed with this top:

It makes me want to dip-dye myself in Brazil.

Finally, a color explosion in your face, courtesy of Joan Rivers:

 
Imagine how your back would look in this, baby. Pop! It's so Pat Benatar!

At the very least, I'm going to dig into my grandma's scarf collection and wear a fuschia-golden-rainbow piece from 1983 because scarves don't care what size I am. Fun!

Shopping with Blaugra: Ships Ahoy Edition!

Let's talk about spring fashion, since, technically, it's spring although I haven't stopped wearing my favorite fuzzy charcoal sweater yet.

Several catalogs arrived in the mail. One of them, Chadwick's.  I don't order from Chadwick's anymore because it's one of those where nothing fits, the quality is poor and I had to pay too much to ship the items back.   

I was musing about how it's time to get the sailor suit out of the warm weather closet, since we're always told that spring is the time to look like a yacht club groupie, RIGHT?

Here's this catalog's clever take on the nautical style trend:

Not too bad, despite the horizontal stripes. No sailor ties around the neck, no mops for swabbing the deck...and then...the jumpsuit.

I always thought I'd like a jumpsuit. Then I discovered:

• Only skinny women with great butts look good in jumpsuits.
• Even tall skinny models have the potential to look bad in jumpsuits.
• It's really hard to pee when you wear a jumpsuit.
• After you jump while wearing a jumpsuit you have to readjust everything.

This particular jumpsuit is deemed "professional."  Professional as in plumber? Dancer? Which profession? Would you wear something that has cameltoe-inducing-potential and requires you to undress to go to the bathroom at the office? 

I once had a jumpsuit that made me look like a big buoy. Perhaps I'm sour on this look because I suffer from bad jumpsuit nostalgia.

Is this denim jumpsuit "nautical?"  Maybe if she were wearing a belt made of ship rope...

Well, have you successfully incorporated the Skipper/Mr. Howell look into your wardrobe? I'm not talking about when you were three and had a cute sailor outfit.

Shopping with Blaugra!

 
Yum. I'm munching on freshly baked Chex Mix. There's nothing like multi-bran cereal drizzled with butter and garlic to bring a smile to my soul on a cold Sunday in eastern Pennsylvania. 

How lame that is one of my simple pleasures?  Wait, what's up with that sentence construction?

These are some of the things I'm into:

 

Maybe instead of warm and salty Chex Mix I should be eating those new Special K cracker chips. Then I could lose weight, right?  Ha, ha.  But they're absolutely yummy so if I have a craving for chips, which is almost every day, I'll hit up that box.

I took my gift card for Ulta to the store to buy some Ahava oil-free cleansing gel, and they were having a buy-2-get-1-free deal. So when the stuff is like $20 a tube, I took advantage of the deal and I'm going to try the Dead Sea Liquid Salt to get rid of some winter uglies. Israel-loving Salty D. informed me that there was a loosely organized boycott against Ulta for carrying Israel-made Ahava. That's just silly.

I needed some non-fussy accessories to throw on my turtleneck sweaters, and I found those two easy pieces of braided, beaded necklaces for 80% off at a local department store. The sales right now are sick.

Now, I really like the iPad, but I don't know that I'm doing it right, because I'm not in LOVE with it.  Maybe I have to read one of those iPad guides.

But what I dig is finding recipes on one of the cooking apps like Epicurious and then propping up the iPad on its handy stand in the kitchen.

Check out the stand - this one is invented by a kid and his dad in my hometown. It's simple and elegant and it's perfect for the kitchen.

Along with the Scrabble app (because Oprah told me to get it) I also bought some songs.

Here's what I'm car-dancing to:

Far East Movement "If I was you (OMG)" with Snoop. This song makes me laugh every damn time I play it. The best lyric:  "She said she wanna go back to my C-O-N-D-O"  They also spell B-O-O-T-Y. Very educational.

I know I sound like a hipster when I say "I kinda like Broadcast" but I had never heard of Broadcast until the singer died recently. So I bought this song which is haunting and beautiful. I'm not hip.

Kardinal Offishall "Numba 1 (Tide is High)" a little more aggressive than I usually like my hippity-hop, but of course the Tide is High part is the best and I love Keri Hilson.

Every once in a while a free download touches me the right way.  Tennis' "Marathon" makes me think of the trip to the Florida Keys I took a few years ago.  But D. heard it and said, "Is this that chick from the Hyundai commercials?" No, it's not.

I've eaten too much Chex Mix while writing this.

 

 

Fill your cart with these

I reluctantly ended up at WalMart again this weekend with its many pajama-clad, slow-walking, aisle-hogging customers. One of the hot items you may want to pick up there if you can stand the bad lighting  is one of these t-shirts advertising your possibly old astrological sign with inaccurate attributes and dates on the back. Sure to become a collector's item:

 
Someone mentioned somewhere (I'm just saying it's not my original thought) that lots of people are going to feel pissed off that they have that Sagittarius or whatever tattoo.  I think it's shitty for, who did this, the international zodiac council? It's shitty for them to fuck with us. Even though it's mostly bullshit, I feel bad for anyone who is being told their new sign is Ophiuchus.

My sign isn't changing, but I didn't buy the shirt, and I'm not getting a Leo tattoo.