I like drinking alcohol.
I really do.
Summer is summer with a gin-n-tonic or vodka gimlet in hand. A good dinner is made great by a bottle of wine. Baseball games are synonymous with a cold beer. A buzz is a good thing.
Not drinking is hard. Drinking a Diet Coke at a happy hour when friends are taking advantage of drink specials sucks.
When you order that Diet Coke and the bartender throws up his hands at you and says, "Diet Coke? Why Diet Coke, come on!" That just adds to the challenge. When this happened recently, I responded to the bartender, "Work with me, here!"
My therapist advised me to order fun spritzers! Cranberry and club soda, for example. I tried that. All I could think was "What a waste of calories. No buzz."
I'm a social drinker. However, admittedly, I've overindulged a few too many times. Most recently, some of the indulgences were to counteract the symptoms of the bipolar disorder that the medications weren't taking care of. Self-medication. Admittedly, these times were really fun.
Now that I'm getting stabilized, the point has been made to me that I ought not drink. The alcohol interferes with the medication.
Every once in a while, though, I have a Guinness. Guinness is good. Or a glass of wine. The doctor said a glass of wine would be fine. But wine no longer tastes good to me and I get a little nauseous. That's a crying shame because wine is one of God's great creations. Diet Coke is not.
I don't want to go through the rest of my life without drinking. I'm just going to say it and I don't care if I sound like I'm a whining baby when the world is full of heartache and hardship. I really don't. I would like to feel that buzz and taste that -- as one of my friends calls it -- nectar.
I know I could go searching for a natural high from a fucking green smoothie or a rigorous hot yoga class instead but I'd honestly rather have some cool Hendricks gin and sparkly tonic with a slice of cucumber on a warm sunny day.
Are you on the wagon? Tell me how you do it.