blaugra

Coffee-mate

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Coffeemate?  The international flavoured coffeemates especially Italian Sweet Creme.  I think I might like that more than I like coffee.  I think this is why I am probably prediabetic although my glucose levels are incredibly fine then again I don't trust that as an accurate indicator.

I have to go out and replenish my stock of Coffeemate anyway.

So I am back to the mundane after dealing with the sacred.  The "sacred and full of dread" day of Yom Kippur where I prayed that I would live another year despite my ingestion of gross Coffeemate. Where I cried one last time about my Grandma's passing during the mourner's kaddish. Where I vowed to be a better person and really make the changes I want to make to be better, which includes saying no to doing things that are too much unpleasant effort and saying yes to things that make the mundane annoyances in life go away.

During one week I drove all over the place, from the source of the Susquehanna River to the bottom of it, across the Delaware a few times - I felt like a truck driver. I drank lots of bad road coffee (that includes Charbucks Anniversary Blend...ew...and no Coffeemate!) I even stopped for donuts at a truck stop. I didn't stay there long lest they think I was a lot lizard. 

I'm not good with all that being-away-from-home, but I'm better now.

p.s. audio book recommendation:  David Sedaris' When You Are Engulfed In Flames.

Revitalize!

I'm so busy but so bored with what's keeping me busy.  So, step one in the revitalize-my-vitality plan is to first clean house, gradually.  That includes moving unnecessary shit out of my brain.

Step two toward revitalization is to eliminate unnecessary pain and suffering.  That's on a postcard I'm holding right now for an Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine service.  I'm going to call her and say, "I want to eliminate unnecessary pain and suffering please."

Step three toward revitalized vitality is to stop falling on my ass.  I fell on my ass this weekend by stupidly standing on a stadium seat and slipping off so I jammed the seat-back into my va-jay-jay and twisted my ankle and made half of my calf a pretty green bruisey color.  This kind of falling on my ass happens all the time and holds me back from being vital.

I have no idea what I'm talking about, but, I have to stop now and call this acupuncturist.

Have you ever had acupuncture? 

What if...

Notice on The List, scrawled at the bottom it says:

 

"Clean Up Watertown"

This was not a planned eco-action activity but it had to be recorded.

One sunny day, we decided to go for a walk - that's me, girlie friend, Lightning Red, Big Blue and the daddy - around their neighborhood.

Almost 4-year-old Lightning Red proclaimed, loudly, at the start of our walk:

 "WE'RE CLEANING UP WATERTOWN!!!"

And he proceeded to lead us in picking up every little bit of trash on the block.  His little brother Big Blue followed in his footsteps and then worked hard to make his own dent in litter that had been tossed around by the wind all week.  The grown-ups, we just followed along.  The mommy was holding the trash bags.

These kids were sticklers.  No smooshed kleenex or cigarette filter went untouched, no matter how hard the grown-ups tried to restrain them from touching things we thought were gross.  The entire block was cleansed of plastic bottles, pink feathers from either a bachelorette's boa or misguided flamingo, and empty booze bottles.

Lightning Red led on with his battle cry:  "CLEAN UP WATERTOWN!"  

Neighbors who noticed the kids scampering around their landscapes smiled and waved.  As an adopted auntie, even I was beaming with pride.  And I've never had such fun pickin' up the trash.

No need to think "what if..."  These kids are showing us our future. 

Buy Sell Give Save Stop Go

I'm feeling under pressure.

Y tu?  Money is palpably powerful, no matter how little you have.  Where you choose to spend it can give more power to those deemed despicable (WalMart) or provide life support to a mom-n-pop shop.

These are the messages I've been blasted with lately:

• Buy indie
• Conserve fuel
• Shop local
• Buy in bulk
• Shop to benefit a cause
• No time to shop?
• Stretch your dollars even further.

Shop at independent retailers and service providers, wherever you go.  Keep your dollars local whether you are shopping indie or mass retailers. 

Conserve fuel and time by having your goods delivered.  Drive the extra 15 miles to go to a locally owned independent business. 

Buy at bulk warehouses to save money.  Don't buy in excess. 

Save $200 on that TV by shopping at our store and you'll have money to help pay for rising food costs. Give food to the poor. Spend more on quality nutrition.  Support our local merchants even though you'll pay $200 more on that TV.  Why are you buying a new TV?  Don't watch TV!  Make sure your TV is ready for the 2009 digital conversion because you wouldn't want to be without a TV. 

Everyone has her priorities.  What are yours? 

I'm trying to live balanced and I'm pretty sure my little balancing act has little effect.  It's a wash. 

I now buy only what I need instead of buying on a whim, or because "that's so cute - someone will like it"   or because "Someday I'll decorate that room and this would look great on the wall..."  This transformation has been a challenge but I have conquered!

And, instead of driving to 10 places to find what I might need, I sometimes find it from my desktop and have it delivered from a regional distributor with free shipping, saving me fuel and hours.  I plan trips so I don't do one-stop run-outs. If I'm driving 20 miles away, I make 2-3 stops. When I can, I order things online and pick up and pay in person.  I love Walgreen's photo service for this.   And when I shop online I do it through either GoodShop or Upromise or WorldPerks to get an extra benefit boost.  This is also a great way to donate to friends' causes across-the-miles.  This money is built into the product cost, so why not?

I buy coffee from independently-owned shops when I know the coffee is good and when it's convenient.  But I no longer drive a mile out of my way to hit up a favorite coffeeshop when I can hit up a Wawa directly on my way to work.  Hit up, not hold up. 

I've been lectured about the Indie Movement, about how horrible big box stores are, about how every dollar I spend should be kept local to feed the economy that directly effects my city, my employment, my cost of living.  How I should use public transportation, ride a bike, buy a hybrid car, don't buy a new car, buy a new American car in support of the big 3.  How I should buy books from independent booksellers, or how I shouldn't buy books anymore at all, or how I should support my local library instead. I've been told, "You can't have your cake and eat it too" regarding trying to strike a balance.

It's really quite maddening, all these shoulds.

I'm not going to stop supporting local restaurants and shops wherever I am, I'm not going to stop driving, I'm not going to buy a new car, I'm not going to waste gas and time driving in icky traffic if I don't have to, I'm not going to shop at WalMart.  I am thinking about how every dollar I spend has a cause and an effect.  That's the only should I shall do right now.

   

recession-proofing myself

The State of the Union is on TV tonight which means I'll be watching more episodes of Weeds on DVD.  Especially since the news media have already told me what W. is gonna say. 

In the meantime, I have compiled here some steps you can take to arm yourself against what could be a recession or depression, whatever.  I'll have to talk to my friendly economics majors or something.

1. Become a whore for your store.  Instead of going to numerous stores and vendors for a deal here or a deal there, sell your soul to one or two places.  Like, CVS.  I am on their advisory panel, I fill prescriptions there, they know everything about me.  And they pay me to know me.  I love my extra bucks even if it does mean I have to reveal which brand of toothpaste I prefer.  I get free shit all the time.   I can walk to a CVS from my home or from my workplace so that saves a few drops of $3/gallon gas.
2. If you feel the need to gamble, bet big.  That's the only way to win big.  Go for broke.  And if you lose, maybe that will cure you of your gambling problem.
3. Stop bitching about gas prices.  I'm so sick of hearing people at the pumps griping to anyone within 20 feet of them, "Hey, this is Ah-mer-ka, we should have cheap gas!"  Hey, gas is cheaper here than anywhere else, and why are we more entitled than other countries?   Stop driving your bigfoot trucks to your huntin' lodge and Nascar races every weekend and maybe then you'll save some bucks on gas.  Or solve the crisis yourself.  Of course, these gas-station-bitching-guys kind of scare me so I would never say this out loud.
4. It's OK to have an empty refrigerator.  You're not gonna starve.  I'm finally letting go of the "stock up" mentality that I grew up with. My new tactic involves a reality check and forces me to cook with whatever ingredients and leftovers I have and only buy fresh what I absolutely need.  An overstuffed fridge leads to forgetting what's in that container in the back and what's that black fuzzy thing underneath the celery in the crisper drawer.  And besides, you know you're going to end up getting take-out at least twice this week.  Do you really need that much fresh lettuce?
5. Plan ahead while helping your local farmers.  This year I'm going to join a farm co-op and have a box of organic vegetables dropped off every week.  It will be a mystery box of green goodness throughout the growing season, which will save me trips to the farmer's markets (which always results in me overbuying because everything is so pretty) and will "lock in" my vegetable price (about $16 each week) so I can budget not only my money but healthier eating. 
6. Tell the doctors you don't need no more frickin' diagnostic tests.  Holy shit, I told my doctor I had pain somewhere and two tests and $4,500 later (yes, I have insurance, but a high deductible in there) I'm told that I'm fine.  I'm going back to alternative practitioners who require cash upfront, but an acupuncturist or massage therapist can work out your pains and help you figure out if you do need medical and diagnostic intervention.
7. Use baking soda for everything you can.   I have to say though that I don't understand #60 on the baking-soda-use list: "Use baking soda to remove melted plastic bread wrapper from toaster." Who forgets to take the bread out of the plastic bag before making toast?
8. Do one thing at a time.  This is so hard for me.  I'm the queen of keeping several pots cooking on the stove and finishing nothing. I like to envision projects and then start all of them at once, and then drop the balls and go to sleep.  I'm slowly relearning how to be, because those balls are expensive.
9. Stop buying shit you don't need.
10. Give the shit you don't need to someone who does.  Because during a recession, there's always gonna be someone who needs that rhinestone-studded blue snakeskin-print handbag more than you do.
11. Get back to shoplifting.    KIDDING!  Just seeing who else I can piss off.

holiday to-do list

No matter what, this month is just so maddening.  I'm trying so hard to simplify.

• I'm not sending Christmas cards this year.  Didn't I say that last year?  My grandma is getting a card, and that's it.  And my great aunts.  For real.  It's not that I don't want people to have a merry Christmas, I do.  I'm not a Scrooge.  And I have nothing against cards.  Salty D. loves to get cards from all his friends that he doesn't have. 

• I'm buying several books of stamps for my 95-year-old independent grandma as her Christmas gift (I do that almost every year, she loves it.)

• Tonight I had overscheduled myself, as usual.  I was going to finish up the Christmas and Hanukkah shopping, grab dinner, do Hanukkah with D., and go to the theatre-formerly-known-as-my-employer to see their Christmas play.  A few of these things will have to give, because I'm tired, too.  D. and I decided to take a couple nights off from exchanging gifts so we'll swap six gifts instead of eight.  And I have a feeling at this point that I won't be making it to the theatre. 

• On the first night of Hanukkah I got a super cute iPod shuffle.  Yay!  It's almost Tiffany blue in color. Last nite I filled it with songs.  One more step closer to a great trip to Mexico!  (less than two weeks away!)

• I keep using this lotion which promises to make your leg hair feel softer and allow you to shave less often. Then I realized, in order to shave less often, you actually have to shave often enough to notice. 

• I miss my friends' COOKIEFEST.  I will have my own solitary baking session this weekend.  You can look forward to a fabulous portfolio of Cookiefest to inspire you - coming soon!

oh yeah, that voting thing

I decided a while ago that I'm going to vote on each election day, no matter what. 

Today my area is just electing piddly local officers, with a lot of incumbents.   There's that pain in the ass school board director, that pain in the ass city council member...but I voted anyway, because it all happens at the local level. 

Well, it doesn't all happen at the local level, but you have to care about your community enough to show up at the church rec hall and check in with the nice elderly ladies who can never find your name in the book so you can exercise your American-born right, privilege, to vote for your leaders who will grace the front pages of your newspaper's local section for the next two-to-four years.  Plus, these city council people could someday be your governor or senator or the biggest puppet of them all.

Today I felt good because I voted against someone.  A former mayor of my city and a former pastor, whose large manor house I have been to on numerous occasions with my church youth group back in the 80s.  He had proposed some things for the city that I didn't care for.  So I just said, "Enough." and voted for a new woman to come in. 

The rest of the candidates, I didn't have much choice, and frankly I skipped some of the county races because I don't understand their jobs and I didn't want to arbitrarily help the biggest doofus win. 

Back on my soapbox.  People have fought and died for the right to select their leaders.  Now go out there and elect someone good.

days go by

I've really loved writing here, love that my friends got me into it, love that it keeps me in touch with people and introduces me to so many other cool and/or interesting people and concepts, and love that I can express immediately and publicly anything that amazes or interests or galls me.  And as I've told lots or people, it's the one thing that I've been doing that I felt was just for me.   As a Leo, doing something just for me is usually done publicly.

So, the other day I had what I guess you'd describe as a nervous breakdown, I don't know.   I went to the ER doubled over in pain, thinking I was having a heart attack.  I had all the symptoms.   But it was not a heart issue.  I was prepared for the doctors to just blow me off and tell me it was anxiety, but, they didn't.  Which was really kind of them.  I had a bunch of tests done and a reaaaaaaalllllly good IV of some kind of painkiller that made    me     want     to     float     away .      

I didn't even care that people could see my, well, everything.   I do remember apologizing to the EKG guy for having hairy legs.  Yeah.  Have to work on that.  I believe he said, "That's OK, dearie."

Then the main doctor guy came in, D. called him Miranda (behind his back) because for a while we were pretending to be characters on Grey's Anatomy.  Miranda was wearing a scrub shirt TUCKED IN to a pair of brown Dockers.  That is so not a cool ER-doctor look.  I'm just sayin'. 

And Miranda said to me, "What's going on today with you?" 

and I said, "Ummm I guess I'm kind of stressed out or something, but I didn't think I was.   Oh and I have a psych appointment later this afternoon which is a good thing."

And Miranda said, "Yeah?  Have fun with that."

He asked what I had for breakfast.   I winced.  "A diet Coke.  And a pop tart."    FOR BREAKFAST?!  he exclaimed. 

OK.  Diet Coke.  Not that bad.  Really now.  However, I suppose the combo of brown sugar cinnamon pop tart with the diet coke produced a chemical reaction to cause my heart to almost explode out of my chest.  Actually, I always tell people that when they see me eating pop tarts that's a signal that I'm really stressed out. 

Five hours later I was discharged and as I was walking through the hospital lobby, I saw hundreds of handbags.  A lobby purse sale?!  Whoa!  My head started spinning again.  D. grabbed my hand and said, "No shopping today."   

Then to the next stop - shrink gave me some extra meds and said to stop with the caffeine and to definitely stop with the alcohol which I had cut back a ton anyway.  And then I had to go to the therapist. And then I had to go to the regular doctor. And now I have to go get some more tests.  Good thing to do anyway to make sure I don't have anything unnecessary.   

And everyone keeps giving me advice somewhere along the lines of "slow down, you move too fast."  Which I don't think I do. I guess I just move fast in the wrong direction.

Except for one person who said, succinctly, "Yeah, anxiety sucks."  And you know who you are, lurker.

So I have to get through the next couple of weeks until I reach the beach vacation that I've been dreaming of for the past few months.  We have contacted all of our congresspeople, senators, and Condoleeza is next on the list, so we get our passports on time. 

But my long story is, even though I've really loved it here, I'm not feeling the blogging thing for the moment.  I think I'll take a hiatus and come back when I'm healthier.   Cuz I'm kind of groggy and numb.  I got an amazing massage which did more for me than any drug (but unfortunately, costs more).  I took a 2 hour nap at work last week!    Siestas all around - love the naps!

See ya later!

clean up your act

Just as Britney is turning a corner and trying to make a clean start by shaving her head, I am also working on making some life changes.

Although, all these people are saying how pretty she is as a baldie - and they're LYING.  Or blind. Girl has a lopsided lumpy skull.    Bald is not beautiful for her.   She's no Sinead.  And actually, she may be going about the "turning over a new leaf" thing a bit unhealthily. Ya think? So my further allusions to Britney must end.  On with my unphotographed ordinary life.

I spent the past several days cleaning out my home office.  I would like to know who actually has a home office that looks like this:

If it's you, let me know.  And I will hunt you down and shave your head. 

I have spent the last week acting like I worked at Enron, shredding papers like my life depended on it. 

And most of the conversations this weekend with D. consisted of me saying, "What is this piece of paper?  Do we need to keep these statements from 2002?  No?  Then why is it sitting here?"   After he established that I was not going through a scary manic phase during which he follows me around going, "Did you take your meds?  Are you sure?  Do you need to take more?"  it was enough to drive him away last nite. I believe he went out for one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.   I then decided to bake cookies in the hopes that he would smell them at the bar and come home, eventually.

Now, after days of shredding my past, I have no idea what's going on in the present (except for the two new tattoos and shaved head bit).

Because after a while of not sleeping so great, I think I finally hibernated deeply - perhaps slept a bit too well.  A couple of houses down the street blew up in a gas explosion the other morning.  Did that wake us?  No. How?  Whaaaaat?  I don't know.   

This probably points out two things - 1) our brick walls really are so thick that nothing could even penetrate our cocoon and 2) it's a damn good thing we don't have a kid or a dog now, because we would probably sleep through their cries and then there would be shit everywhere. 

And I'm just getting the shit cleaned up.

sobered up

I received some lurker feedback that my new year's resolutions were "silly" and that I should never BUI. Blog Under the Influence.  Point taken.

And, therefore, I would like to clarify my resolutions for 2007.  These may seem like "low hanging fruit," (I love that phrase for so many reasons) but they would actually take some effort to accomplish.

1. Reduce consumption of celebrity gossip as found through various media by at least 50%.  Avert eyes while waiting at grocery store checkout.   At least 50% of the time.  Sorry Perez.
2. Watch the films "Fight Club" and "Rocky" because have seen neither all the way through and this has made me a complete social outcast especially with my guy friends.
3. "Hang out with Lisa more"; actually, hang out with all friends more.  This is hard but only because I make it difficult.  Anyway, Lisa and I worked together at a theatre, and I now hate going to that particular theatre, so, I've not spent much time with her.   But she's a good friend, so I need to get over my issues, and we talked on New Year's Eve, the kind of conversation that includes repetitive declarations of "YOU'RE SUCH A SPECIAL PERSON!  YOU'RE AWESOME, BITCH!  I LOVE YOU!"
4. Read a book.  I have to read this over-the-top historical romance because I'm in this book club that I can't get out of and that is the first selection.  Whatever.   Perhaps this tale of a kilted Scotsman with a young maiden in the highlands will keep me away from Britney and Lindsay stories.  Although aside from geography there may not be much difference.
5. Then, read a different book.  I have many good books in a large pile.  I have several bookmarks, ready to be used.  I have even created a comfortable "reading nook" near the window of my bedroom.  So, the stage is set. 
6. Audit my underwear drawer and start the year with good underwear.  I'm totally serious.  This morning I attempted to get dressed for the first workday of the new year, and my only clean brassiere just snapped and shot across the room.  I'll spare you the details.  In short, unripped underwear with functioning elastic would be ideal.
7. Eat breakfast every day.  And by breakfast, I do not mean a spoonful of peanut butter and a sip of tea. This will be the biggest challenge, but, I'm going to make it work. 

p.s. F--- Jenny Craig.