I desperately want to be successful at something. At everything. I know realistically we can't succeed all of the time. But I crave approval along with that feeling of personal success.
So I've been trying to ace bipolar disorder 2 during the past couple of months.
My first step, of late, because this is ongoing, is answering my psych doctor's question: "Are you comfortable with your diagnosis? Do you think you really have bipolar 2?"
The first reaction was "WTF! You are the guy who diagnosed me and drugged me for it 8 years ago, how am I supposed to know?"
The second was to follow my therapist's advice and get Bipolar Disorder for Dummies. [excellent cheat sheet at that link.] This is the first book I am reading in well over a year.
That's right. WELL OVER A YEAR.
I'm convinced, and my therapist is very sure, that the diagnosis has been correct, that I'm on the right types of drugs, and that I'm feeling all the side effects as predicted, following the typical path. My therapist is now working with my psych doctor. I feel like I have a solid team in place, for the first time ever.
Now to use my obsessiveness for good! I'm obsessed with food, trying healthy foods, keeping my weight down, despite donut and Halloween Kit Kat incidents. The team said, good play, stay obsessed with that. I'm starting to get obsessed with exercise again. The team is totally jazzed. Exercise is one of the best remedies for depression. Everyone knows that. The other remedy is a reasonable amount of sleep, which I am totally obsessed with. I pretty much excel at sleep. Win.
I'm no longer obsessed with TV or movies or music or shoes or drinking or makeup or children or writing and I somewhat sadly do not miss these. Except music.
What I'm learning and learning and learning is that bipolar disorder is not a mental thing, or my favorite phrase that's used now, "mental health issue." It's a physical illness played out by the chemistry of your brain. No doubt. It is physical. It's not an "issue."
I've gone from being down on the floor with suicidal ideations all over again, to feeling almost in control of managing the illness, in a matter of a few months. I feel like I can handle the oncoming winter darkness. Bring it on.
I write about it publicly because it helps. #Sorrynotsorry that I haven't shared funny stories or Dancing With The Stars quips (Snooki was robbed!) in a while. But I'm busy trying to be successful with bipolar disorder.
As always, I'd love to know what your deal is so share in the comments.