In late August, the crickets start making that constant chirpy sound and the nights get really cool and the high school band starts practicing on the football field and the fair is coming to town and although I look forward to wearing boots again, I really don't want to let go of summer.
In my brain, the weather is starting to change. It's very weird to feel psych drugs start to work. Little moments of clarity begin to take place. Like, one day I suddenly snapped out of my fog and was able to have razor-sharp focus on work. Today I woke up feeling completely refreshed and not exhausted. These moments make me think that fall is going to be a good season.
Not that all the horrible thoughts and exhaustion have gone away. And my self-esteem is somewhere at the bottom of that trench in the ocean. But I have some hope I'll swim to the surface.
I'm getting a new counselor because I can't get any further along with my current counselor, as much as I really like her. I still have that phobia to kick. It really needs kicking and it's going to be hard work and I'm scared. But a celebrity I follow on Twitter, whose hair I love, tweeted "Fear is the absence of faith."
I know. I'm taking advice from a starlet on Twitter. I must be crazy.