Salty D. went to the florist to purchase a gift to send to me. He stood in line behind some ridiculous woman who was inquiring about prom corsages for her daughter, but she wasn't going to buy the corsages or even order them, she just wanted to talk about the corsages. She wanted them in a coral color, and had to explain to the counterperson that coral was like a cross between pink and orange, because the counterperson at a flower shop didn't know what "coral" was.
Apparently this went on for some time because D. was so frustrated that he left the shop, knowing what he wanted to send to me but unable to purchase it because of Ms. Coral. How frustrating.
He later returned to the shop, which was filling up with more prom corsage purchasers. Must be the worst time of the year for florists and hair salons. I mean, great for the bottom line but I know from my hair stylist that prom clients are the most demanding. I believe she said, "Worse than brides!"
Just the fact that he withstood this rigamarole gives him extra points in my book.
Salty D. picked out a basket of flowers and dictated how he wanted the card to read, and the whole line of prom corsage purchasers heard him and the girls all went, "Awwwwwwww!" as the counterperson wrote down the message.
The next day, I was surprised by the flowers, which were delivered to me at work. I was psyched because there was a little butterfly on the basket handle which really set it off. No, I'm serious. I love butterflies.
Then I opened the card and it read:
To the only girl who can shine Ramona
Huh? I know you're thinking, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Who's Ramona, and why would Salty D. allow Blaugra to shine her? And why would this message be considered romantic or cute by a flowershop full of young girls, who might be thinking that Ramona is an ex-girlfriend or something?
First, it's important to know that Ramona is the name of Salty D's beloved motorcycle, and she is very chromey and shiny.
I knew he meant to say "outshine," because what kind of idiot would tell his loving wife to go shine his bike? Here are some flowers, now git your shine box and go polish my ride.
This card was like the florist version of Cake Wrecks. I was very touched.
Salty D. was PISSED when he saw the card. "What a freaking IDIOT!" he exclaimed.
But I couldn't stop laughing. I hung it on the fridge. Perfect.