I've talked before about how I'm a real daddy's girl, I just never had it airbrushed on a t-shirt or engraved in a gold necklace. Here it is again. I can't imagine life without Dad.
Dad is gonna have surgery (not until next month) and it's major bananas. Facing the surgery itself is easy for me because 1) I'm not the one getting cut open and 2) I met the surgeon and he's a trustworthy expert. And cute.
Facing the recovery is much scarier.
I remember being in the CCU with Dad after his last major bananas surgery and holding his hand while he was completely struggling in pain. Adrenaline took over and my lioness came out. I got all bossy, and demanded my dad to get well. I didn't cry. I helped nag him to life. I can do it again.
At the same time this is going to happen, my mom's condition prevents her from driving and doing a lot of normal things on her own, like, grocery shopping. I watched yesterday as they went back and forth between each other, each worried more about the other one than about themselves.
I became the lioness. "OK! Knock it off you two! Here's what's gonna happen! YOU'RE going to blah blah blah and YOU'RE going to yadda yadda, and right now I'm going to go to my class! And no I don't want any chicken soup, I have to go!" I admit I was forceful more for myself than for them.
I got in my car and when I turned the corner away from their house, that's when I cried.
A couple of weeks ago, while I was waiting for Dad to make the final decision as to whether he would have this surgery, I decided I had to say something different, not what I had been saying to him up to that point, which had been "Dad, whatever you decide to do will be okay with me." No it wouldn't! I decided I didn't want him to just let his condition ride and not take action.
At that time I managed to choke out, "Dad...I'm not...ready..." for you to die, I wanted to say. But I couldn't finish, and instead he jumped in and said "I'm having the surgery. There's more I want to see and do."
Of course he insisted on cleaning my windshield before I left their house yesterday. Because I'm a daddy's girl.