blaugra

What am I doing?!

That's a question as well as an exclamation. 

I just returned from a crazy California Christmas that I can't wait to tell you about, except I'll probably get too tired and forget to post any stories on here much like my New Orleans non-recap.  So if I do that, you can just think "What happens in San Diego, stays in San Diego. And Mexico."  

It was a de-lovely time with la familia!  We find extreme happiness in the everyday.

Today I'm jet-lagged and fighting down a cold, thank you air travel.  It was really chilled in southern California, one day it was actually warmer in PA than in CA.  It was perfecto on the day we left for home, of course.  I thought it was cute that my husband packed his swim trunks and was ready for the beach.  He could have braved it if he wanted to go all polar bear. 

What are you doing New Year's Eve?

The most overrated party day of the year, when the media make you feel like a loser (if you let them) for staying home and relaxing.  But more people are sleeping than doing anything else at midnight, so if you're just chillin you're in the majority.

I, however, am going to the annual New Year's Eve party hosted by the state of New Jersey.  I say that only because every year we go to our friends' there and we just call it the Jersey Party.  A bunch of families get together, eat, drink, shoot off fireworks,* and then we sleep over and I start off the year with a hangover.  And this year, I don't even have my new year's new underwear yet!

So I woke up late, went to brunch with my parents, went to the liquor store for provisions, and the grocery store with about 1,800 other people, and now I am making:

    Caviar Pie

    Reuben Dip

to bring tonite.  Along with a bottle of Piper Heidsieck, a bottle of Gnarly Head Cabernet, a bottle of THE Glenlivet, and some smoked fish.  I will be drinking vodka, though.  Lemon Drops are a New Years tradition at this party.

I hope all the wacky peeps in Times Square are wearing long johns and Depends. 

* There are these big Fireworks stores in PA near the NJ border.  They popped up a couple of years ago, mysteriously. (well actually not too mysterious, with the change of a PA Fireworks Law) 

Fireworks are illegal within the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Anyone who transports into, possesses, uses or sells fireworks within the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania without permission from appropriate authorities is subject to criminal and civil penalties.  
New Jersey law prohibits the transportation, sale, possession, or use of fireworks in New Jersey without a valid permit.

I don't understand why there are stores in this location.  We can't buy fireworks, and people in NJ can't legally bring fireworks into their state.  Who buys fireworks at these places?  It's very confusing to me.  No matter, there will be plenty of illegal fireworks at the party tonite.  Usually the cops come.

Anyway, I hope you are warm and fuzzy tonight.  Happy freakin' new year!

POSTSCRIPT, 1-1-09:

 
Here's to the end of a wild week and the beginning of a fun year! As soon as I get rid of my hangover.  Yes, this is me, really and truly passed out. Thanks, Salty D.

I will always love you, Aunt Jeanne!

I didn't meet my great aunt Jeanne from South Carolina until I was 24 but we totally clicked.  She was raised with her sisters, including my prim grandmother, but Jeanne was the wild child of the bunch.  A gorgeous girl (I wish I had a picture) who knew how to party. 

She "was away" for a number of years after getting married and birthing a kid, so she was kind of separated from the family for a while.  She was in "an asylum," I was told, when I asked why I had never met her.  She had a case of the crazies or something.  But we didn't talk about such things so she was a mystery until I really sat down and talked with her when I went to South Carolina. 

Aunt Jeanne was so spirited and had an awesome sense of humor, and great stories.  One of my favorite stories is how she dated Phil Rizzuto.  Before he became the Money Store guy.  Perhaps "date" is not an accurate term, but, with all due respect to my party girl ancestry, I will stick to that story. 

She died a few days ago.  Bedridden for the past 5 years, she was hanging on with no ability to hear, speak, write, walk.  I don't know how she kept herself alive, but it was like a light that just slowly flickered away.  Until last year, she still sent cards to me that she would dictate to her nurses to write.

So, her 70-year-old daughter E-MAILED the cousins (who are all of the same age...) to tell them that Aunt Jeanne had finally passed.  E-MAIL.  Someone in the family read the email and called my grandma.  My mom found out only by chance a day later when she was chatting with Grandma.  Grandma doesn't have email, she's 96.  My mother only reads her email on a weekly basis, so anything that's "need to know" has to be communicated through one-to-one real time voices. 

It struck me then that we've gone too far, when a person can't pick up the phone and start a chain to let people, especially older people, know of a momentous occasion of a passing of the life of a loved one, that time when people need one-to-one communication, more than any other time in life, so they can say "I'm sorry" or "Did she suffer?" or all those other things you awkwardly say when someone dies, and you can share emotions and pain and comfort in a real time connection.  You don't want to be alone with your keyboard when you find out, do you?

This is a time in our history where there still exists a "digital divide" that we can't ignore. We can't just expect people who were using the pony express to be network users like we are and immediately respond.  And then you can't passively say, "Oh, didn't you get my email?  I told you three days ago!"  As if to say, it's your fault you didn't share in this news, not mine.

Of course I was expecting her demise, but, when my mom told me ON THE PHONE, I cried.  It's a life, for the love of God, and the life of a lovable person who was well accessorized and good humoured until the end, a person who is now a fun-loving angel dancing with the stars.

Merry Music

Happy Christmas and remaining nights of the festival of lights.  Here are my favorite "modern"  (late 20th century) holiday songs!

Adam Sandler's original original version is the best, but, this one, hard to deny the entertaining qualities.

Try to tell me this doesn't bring tears of joy to your eyes - the Pogues featuring the late great Kirsty MacColl:

Now this is some incredible shit.  You must watch the video:

One of my favourite films, and I don't care if you think it's super schmaltzy, is Love Actually.  This video I cannot embed, but it's hysterical.   And on the so-sweet-it-gives-me-goosebumps side, there's a school assembly production of -- yes, I'm going to say it -- a Mariah Carey classic :

I don't know why the Royal Guardsmen did so many songs about Snoopy, but I am glad they did. This is my absolute favorite Christmas pop song.  I listened to it on my 78rpm turntable - all year long.  I still have it, it's unplayable (not only because I no longer have a 78 turntable but because I mutilated it so.)

Merry Christmas, my friends!

lunch with dad, including a movie recommendation

Dad took me to lunch at a fancy restaurant.  Normally we go to a deli or a diner, but not today.  My mother had reservations with a friend at 11:30, and the friend had to cancel the lunch, so my dad asked my mom if he could have her reservation, since the restaurant was booked.  Then he asked me to join him at the 11:30 lunch.  This was a weekday which meant I had to leave work at 11:15 am for a luncheon.  Since I'm a late riser, I had pretty much just finished breakfast. 

Meanwhile if I were my mom I would have been pissed.  She lost her lunch date and her reservation.

My dad made a point of pointing out that this would not be our typical diner lunch of soup and salad.  As if, at the age of 41, I had never eaten at a fancy lunch place where salads cost more than a one-digit dollar figure.  What did we have to eat?  Soup and salad.  Quite good.  The conversation? Quite good.

Dad:  I wanted to thank you for the book you ordered for me.  As you know, that author is extremely hard to find.  Not even Barnes & Noble has him...

Me:  That's because half his crime-series books are out of print.

Dad:  I can't understand that - he has written dozens and dozens of books - and many of them bestsellers!  Why would they be out of print?

Me:  Because his books have a limited life-span?  Why would a publisher pay to publish too many books?  [trying to explain the publishing business to my dad - didn't work]

Dad:  Anyway, I know I asked you for the book, and I noticed that it cost you 50-cents on Amazon, but the shipping price was $6.00! 

Me:  Yeah, what a racket.

Dad:  I just think that's incredible.  And the book came from a dealer in MINNESOTA!!!  That's the same state where your aunt lives!!

Me:  ..... I know.....

Dad:  But inside the book it said "property of Baltimore City library!"  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

Me:  So, do you have enough books to read now?

Dad:  Well, I started to read this one, and I realized, 4 pages into it, that I read it already.

Me:  What?!  You put this on your wish list for me!

Dad:  I know, I know, I got confused.  I think I've read all the books by this author that I want to.  They're all similar.

Me:  OK. Well, if there are other books you want then just tell me. 

Dad:  I don't want you to have to pay $6.00 in shipping costs!!

[just then, Santa Claus walks into the restaurant.  He's an authentic looking Santa - either naturally or very well made-up.  We're sitting near the snazzy aluminum Christmas tree so Santa makes a beeline toward our table. Dad immediately stops talking and lights up like a 4 year old.]

Dad:  Well look here!  Santa!  Oh won't your mother be jealous!!!  She missed Santa!  [stage whisper] MAYBE HE HAS A PRESENT FOR YOU...

Santa (to me): Have you been a good girl this year?

Me:  I tried, but, not really.

Santa then bypasses me and gives my dad a candy cane.  Dad asks for another to take home to my mom.  Then I get one as a consolation prize.  Dad asks for another for me to take home to my husband.  I was like, Dad, PLEASE!  Don't be greedy, I don't need extra candy canes!  He was all, "What? this is an expensive place! Take what you can get!"  Santa leaves us and goes to the bar to check the sports news.

Dad:  So, your mother and I saw a movie yesterday, I was shocked, there was nobody there!

Me:  What showing did you go to?

Dad:  We went to [the 5th most popular out of 5 multiplexes in the area]  1:00 matinee.  Can you believe nobody was there to see this great film?!

Me:  Dad. It was a Wednesday at 1:00 PM.  During Christmas shopping season.

Dad:  I know, but the movie was so good.  "Rachel Getting Married."  Your mother didn't think I'd like it, she said it might be too chick-flick for me.  Let me tell you all about it.

Me: I don't want to know anything about it.

Dad:  Well, it's about this girl...

Me:  Dad, don't spoil it for me!

Dad:  ...and she's fresh out of rehab...

Me:  DAD!

Dad pouts.  Throws down his glasses.  I can see this is killing him.

Me:  OK. Without revealing any key plot points that would spoil the theatre viewing experience for me, can you tell my why you liked the movie?

Dad:  Well, her sister is getting married. That's Rachel. And the girl is played by Anne Hathaway who is DYNAMITE!  And this family...

Me:  Don't tell me anymore. OK?  Stop.  I want to see it myself.

Dad:  I don't know when you're going to have time to see it.  It's only playing at this one theatre.  You may as well wait til it comes out on DVD, so why don't I just tell you more about it?

Me:  No.

Dad: Then I'll just say this.  Your mother thought I wouldn't like it at all.  But the acting was superb, it's like they weren't acting, like there were just real people, and you're there with them.  And it hit a lot of nerves for us, there are a lot of similarities to our family, even though they were really dysfunctional...

Me, interrupting:  Dad, we ARE dysfunctional!

Dad, holds up his hand as if to say, "don't interrupt me when I'm reaching the main point of my story.":    And, I think it's one of the best movies I've ever seen.

Reeeaaaaaallllly?  Now that is a fine recommendation. Wow. So put that in your Santa pipe.

5 embarassing things about me

These are things that I suppose I'd be embarassed about if I really wanted to appear yuppie-like and smart.

1.  I can't wait to see who wins Rock of Love Charm School tonight.  I'm pulling for Brandi M.  She's the kind of girl I'd hang out with at a bar and then probably get sick of after an hour of screaming and drinking and riding a mechanical bull.  And how about Destiney - her stripper name is "Stephanie" but her real name is "Destiney?!" 

2.  Today I cleaned out my fridge, pre-vacation mode.  For breakfast I ate a slice of Pumpernickel toast slathered with scallion cream cheese and a few very well done pieces of bacon.  It was not good.

3.  I clean my house with a 14-gallon Shop Vac - when I have to clean.

4.  I can eat an entire jar of salsa with a spoon.  Mixed with yogurt, even better.

5.  I talk to myself in my car and if someone happens to look over at me at a traffic light I just pretend I'm talking on an invisible Bluetooth.

Buy Sell Give Save Stop Go

I'm feeling under pressure.

Y tu?  Money is palpably powerful, no matter how little you have.  Where you choose to spend it can give more power to those deemed despicable (WalMart) or provide life support to a mom-n-pop shop.

These are the messages I've been blasted with lately:

• Buy indie
• Conserve fuel
• Shop local
• Buy in bulk
• Shop to benefit a cause
• No time to shop?
• Stretch your dollars even further.

Shop at independent retailers and service providers, wherever you go.  Keep your dollars local whether you are shopping indie or mass retailers. 

Conserve fuel and time by having your goods delivered.  Drive the extra 15 miles to go to a locally owned independent business. 

Buy at bulk warehouses to save money.  Don't buy in excess. 

Save $200 on that TV by shopping at our store and you'll have money to help pay for rising food costs. Give food to the poor. Spend more on quality nutrition.  Support our local merchants even though you'll pay $200 more on that TV.  Why are you buying a new TV?  Don't watch TV!  Make sure your TV is ready for the 2009 digital conversion because you wouldn't want to be without a TV. 

Everyone has her priorities.  What are yours? 

I'm trying to live balanced and I'm pretty sure my little balancing act has little effect.  It's a wash. 

I now buy only what I need instead of buying on a whim, or because "that's so cute - someone will like it"   or because "Someday I'll decorate that room and this would look great on the wall..."  This transformation has been a challenge but I have conquered!

And, instead of driving to 10 places to find what I might need, I sometimes find it from my desktop and have it delivered from a regional distributor with free shipping, saving me fuel and hours.  I plan trips so I don't do one-stop run-outs. If I'm driving 20 miles away, I make 2-3 stops. When I can, I order things online and pick up and pay in person.  I love Walgreen's photo service for this.   And when I shop online I do it through either GoodShop or Upromise or WorldPerks to get an extra benefit boost.  This is also a great way to donate to friends' causes across-the-miles.  This money is built into the product cost, so why not?

I buy coffee from independently-owned shops when I know the coffee is good and when it's convenient.  But I no longer drive a mile out of my way to hit up a favorite coffeeshop when I can hit up a Wawa directly on my way to work.  Hit up, not hold up. 

I've been lectured about the Indie Movement, about how horrible big box stores are, about how every dollar I spend should be kept local to feed the economy that directly effects my city, my employment, my cost of living.  How I should use public transportation, ride a bike, buy a hybrid car, don't buy a new car, buy a new American car in support of the big 3.  How I should buy books from independent booksellers, or how I shouldn't buy books anymore at all, or how I should support my local library instead. I've been told, "You can't have your cake and eat it too" regarding trying to strike a balance.

It's really quite maddening, all these shoulds.

I'm not going to stop supporting local restaurants and shops wherever I am, I'm not going to stop driving, I'm not going to buy a new car, I'm not going to waste gas and time driving in icky traffic if I don't have to, I'm not going to shop at WalMart.  I am thinking about how every dollar I spend has a cause and an effect.  That's the only should I shall do right now.

   

Play

A teacher at a Catholic school was about to toss a box full of puppets that the children of today were not interested in using.  A professional actress walking by cried out, "No! I'll take them off your hands!" And lo and behold, these relics from 1968 stare down customers at the actress's playhouse. Even though the children of today want nothing to do with them, clearly I had some fun.

Granny War. Someone got the last marble rye bread.

Hey I'm down with the youth of today - what what!  Officer raisin' the roof!

Ooooh nooo - symptoms: eyes rolling back into head, hands clutching at chest, PeeWee Herman suit...oh, this wasn't on my final exam! We're gonna lose this one!

 

Officer, please, I told you I'm not going to indulge you. Arrest me if you must. Just stop acting like a proctologist!  I'm the licensed medical professional here!

Young doctors in scandalous love. 

"We'll have to keep our relationship within the confines of the janitor's closet.  Until we can clean off all these mysterious waxy-crayon spots."

Balls!

Marie is turning 30 and tonight is her surprise party.  It feels like I've known Marie for 20 years but it's only been about 5 years.  She has an old soul but she's really funny, and if it weren't for her I would have jumped off the roof of the theatre-formerly-known-as-my-employer.

So I got the standard 30-year-birthday gift of a giant bottle of wine and a $30 Target card.  Then her friend Jasmine called and said, "Can you bring some appetizers?  I got cheese and crackers, someone else is bringing a bottle of vodka, Marie's husband is getting a tank of helium, and we just need some more food."

This is going to be a real good party, say?  (as they'd say around here. say.)

So I said, I can bring some spinach balls!  Marie's a vegetarian. Jasmine said, "perfect!"  I raided my pantry and freezer, excited to put my improvisational skills to the test.

The recipe for spinach balls is:

2 pkgs of frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry

1 stick of butter, melted

3 eggs, beaten

3/4 grated Parmesan cheese

2 cups Pepperidge Farm Herbed Stuffing Mix

1 medium onion, chopped

1 T. Worcestershire Sauce (one of the most underrated recipe ingredients, in my opinion)

garlic, pepper, seasonings.

You roll up the mixture into balls and bake them at 350 for 15 minutes.  They're usually really good. I had everything but the very specific stuffing mix.  I figured I could improvise, and used 1 cup of matzah meal, 1 cup of cornmeal, and a bunch of seasonings like garlic and oregano and pepper and stuff like that.  I think that's where I went wrong.  Then I refrigerated the mix overnight so I could make balls right before the party.  Aaaaand wrong again. 

These things are like eating balls of composted grass that have been baked in the sun.  Shit! 

So I figured some dipping sauce could save them.  Mustard sauce! Yes, the great equalizer.  Of course I don't have any Dijon mustard, the go-to for dipping sauces.  I have some Hebrew National Deli Mustard and some mayonnaise.  I combined them.  Total sacrilege.  The sauce needed something.  Worcestershire sauce, of course.  I tested out a dry ball dipped in sauce.  The sauce didn't help.  Shit!  Even with frilly toothpicks stuck in them with the non-kosher sauce dabbed on top, the only way the party guests will eat these is if they're completely wasted! 

Jasmine said, "That's what will happen, that's OK." So I'm bringing them anyway.  If anything, Marie's four cats will be able to bat the balls around the house like toys.

But, I have to redeem myself.  I can make something else!  What do I have in my fridge - a brick of cream cheese, a half-bag of walnuts, an almost-empty jar of maraschino cherries (why? I don't know. but they do come in handy at times like these.)

I threw together the cream cheese, chopped cherries, chopped walnuts and a half-cup of stale raisins from the cupboard.  I rolled the mixture into little balls and then rolled the little balls in crushed nuts.  These are actually super good.  And will, again, taste much better after the party guests do whatever it is they're going to do with the tank of helium. 

Oh my hell, I'll just stop at the Wawa and get a few bags of Doritos and some ranch dressing.

Next time, I'll just stop by a store for a sushi tray or something.

These are a few of my favorite things

Ah, the most predictable title for an article about things I like during the month of December.

These things make me feel good.  I hope the manufacturers read this and send me free samples.

Woolrich fleece sheets.  I swear I bought these at Target a few months ago on sale.  Think I could find them anywhere online?  No.  Limited edition?  Hazardous recalled material?  Whatever, they are soooooo wonderful, like sleeping in a fuzzy warm nest. 

  You be complainin' about dry wintry skin?  Get Yu-Be.  I think that should be their American ad slogan, don't you?  No petroleum, no greasiness, and it's easier to emulsify than beeswax-based creams.

Speaking of beeswax, I'm in love with minty-lip-stuff.  Well, there's no beeswax in this product but I was looking for a segueway.  Burt's Bees lip shimmer, in Fig.  Also try Cover Girl Amaze-mint.  Cute name, pretty good gloop.

My closets and my sanity are benefiting from these hangers.  They're huggable. And so very, like, DUH of course they're what you want in your closet, why did it take Joy Mangano so long to bring them to us?  And who is this Joy? 

Okay.  This thing. Another forehead slapper, why the hell didn't anyone come up with this before?  Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew Anti-Puff Eye Roller.  Clip a coupon for it, get it on sale. Roll it under your eyes post-shower pre-makeup. Wake up.  I used to keep a metal spoon in the fridge and press it under my eyes to get rid of extra baggage on rough mornings.  This kind of does the same thing but nobody looks at you like you're deranged for walking around holding a cold spoon on your face.  And it does feel better.

After you roll that under your eye, put this magic potion on your eyelid.  Well, both lids actually. It's a genie in a bottle.  Look in the mirror and sing, "You are beautiful, in every single way..." 

Favorite treats to eat and drink:  Cascadian Farms chewy granola bars. The best.  And hot chocolate made with Swiss Miss and steamed soy milk.  Yum.

These treats would look better in my hands if I took the time to take care of my nails but instead I usually drag my dead cuticles through my opaque tights and create runs and then throw the tights across the room and curse my lazy ass for not taking care of my nails. When I feel like it I lacquer up with ergonomically superior Sally Hansen Salon Nail Lacquer and cover it with a glossy top coat and it lasts longer than a week.  The best color now on short nails: Pat on the Black.

Have you any favorites to share?

 

 

'tis the season

I just found the family letter that my mother is sending to her Christmas card list: ***

 

 

Dear friends across the miles,

 

The year 2008 was glorious and so full of blessings for our family.  Especially for our lovely daughter Laura.  We are so proud of her even though she hasn’t quite mastered the art of keeping a home clean and organized, and her baseboards are always, always dusty.  I guess a parent’s job is never done!  

 

Laura really surprised us this year, as she has not excelled at work, or her volunteer commitments, or even house cleaning.  But, she only endured a couple of anxiety attacks, so that’s progress!  We’re not quite sure where she gets her inclination to have those. 

 

She and her husband have made us some of the few non-grandparents in our circle of friends.  We’ve given up hope for a biological grandchild to spoil.  All the children’s toys and books I had stashed away, I donated to charity this year.  Such a joy to give back!

 

Little Laura says she has thought about adopting or being a foster parent, and is also hoping to start off 2009 with a dog.  We’ve told her, we don’t think she could handle a dog, much less a foster child!  She can’t even keep her home clean and organized now, how will she manage that?  Oh, that crazy kid.

 

She loves to cook but frankly, uses too much olive oil or butter for her own good.  No wonder