blaugra

Bottoms...away!

Elise and I met up for cocktails and a healthy dinner. I planned to get a glass of red wine and a big salad.

Planned.

This was the kind of place that had a multi-page binder for their martini menu. For those of you who think a martini is just one drink, this place is not for you. Salty D. Who only wants gin and vermouth in a martini glass.

I, however, am expansively-minded enough to accept that anything served in a martini glass can be a martini. Gazpacho martini. Shrimp martini. Organic Lowfat Milkshake martini.

The problem with this place was that all the menu pages were just lists of names of the martinis, no fancy descriptions of muddling and mixologizing, and no pictures. They said it was because the ingredients were proprietary. From the list of drink names one can choose*: 

"Jake-n-Bake"

"Crispy Possum"

"Electrical Banana"

"Smashed Potato"

"Monkey Junk Punch"

"Brain Flipper"

I was pretty sure I didn't want any of these, regardless of their ingredients. I think it's a safe bet that the Crispy Possum martini did not have St. Germain in it. 

In the menu was a note that you should just ask your server to recommend something.

I was finding this to be kind of high maintenance, kind of a gamble, and too dependent upon someone else to tell me what to drink. But I didn't see a wine list, so...

"Hey Chuck, I'd like a vodka-based martini, with some kind of nutty flavor and chocolatey flavor thrown in."  Chuck knew exactly what to get me.

Elise definitively picked out her martini by name only, "Chuck, I want the French Toast martini."

"Well just so you know," warned Chuck, "it doesn't taste anything like French toast."

Elise replied, "Good, because I hate French toast."

Um...I was all, wha-?

Why would you order a French toast martini by name if you don't like French toast? Elise had no logical answer for me. That's why I love her.

Our martinis arrived.  The French toast martini tasted like ass. They can't have an Ass Martini on the menu so they called it French toast instead?

Mine was delicious. I think there was Bailey's in it with the vodka and something else. I started chugging it. "What's this one called, Chuck?"

"The Skull Crusher."

Great.

So much for salads. Elise and I decided to order homemade potato chips with bleu cheese and buffalo sauce on top. Holy shit. I'm pretty sure I gained back whatever poundage I had lost. The skull crusher was gone so I ordered another, something different, with suburban speedball qualities. This time I said, "Chuck? Ummmmmmmmmm yeah I would like a vodka-based thing with some espresso? Ok thanksh"  Halfway through the second martini I thought about how I was going to get home. I called Chuck over again. Am I the biggest pain in the ass?

"Chuck. May I please have a cup of coffee?" 

No, I could not, because the restaurant had run out of coffee filters nor did they have espresso. I looked at my so-called espresso martini and realized there was no espresso in it at all.

Lucky for me they had tea and I got home safely. No more mystery martinis for this lightweight. Well, I say that now, of course.

* yeah I made up those names, they're my proprietary thing.

"We only have 10 good years left!"

I've recently made the emotionally charged decision not to return to graduate school and the pursuit of my little MBA. It was a difficult one to leave behind. In the end, I figured that I tried it, I did really well, I grew, but I stopped liking it. And it wasn't healthy. So why keep doing it?

Enough of that business.

I was talking to a friend recently about this decision. She just got her B.S. degree. She's also in her 40's.  I asked her if she was going to continue, and go to grad school. She said she would go only if her employer required it and even then, maybe not. Because, she said, "We only have about 10 good years left."

10 years?

"Yes, because once you hit your 50s, everything goes to shit. Your body starts falling apart. Why should we spend all this time sitting, studying to get a degree during the last best years of our lives?"

She had a point. I had tended to think of myself as having a long life line with plenty of time to do more stuff. That's just not true.

A few years ago, I took what I said would be the last ride roller coaster ride of my life, and I went out on a doozy - the Cyclone on Coney Island, a roller coaster notorious for rattling your spine and kinking up your neck. I don't miss roller coasters.

Am I going for the last ride on other things? Like graduate school? After this ride, maybe. I had always imagined having an advanced degree but just like with other activities I put it off.  Then I realized I hated preparing Powerpoint presentations. I tried other things during the past few years, didn't like them, and walked away. Like, I won't be an accomplished Flamenco dancer. And that's okay. I don't miss Flamenco dancing.

So what will I pursue in the next 10 years? And what will you?

When I met a potential presidential candidate...

Here's my story about when I met Rick Santorum.

It's from when he was my senator. A few years back. Enjoy!

I'm still child-free, bitches!

I don't have to help a kid with homework unless I volunteer to help someone else's kid, and even then it won't be in math. I don't have to quell meltdowns in the toy department. I don't have to save for someone else's college. I'll never get stuck car pooling a bunch of rugrats to soccer games.

That's right, never.

Ever.

No one will ever call me "mama." I'll never proudly watch my own kid graduate knowing that all that homework help got them through. I shan't send out holiday cards with pictures of my happy nuclear family. When I'm in the hospital recovering from something in 20 years, I won't have a kid to take care of me.

Those are kind of selfish reasons to want to have a kid.  Yet now I can only think of those selfish reasons. How could I have benefited from being a mom? Who's going to take care of me when I'm old and gray?  Will I ever let my gray hair show? 

I no longer yearn for the job of mom. It's really amazing how that transformation is happening. I think it's biological, no? Even though I'm still, as my therapist says, healing.

Oh, don't think I don't cry myself to sleep once in a while thinking of how I fucked up nature's life cycle. Please, bitches. Regrets, I've had a few. Don't think I'm not crying as I write this.

But, I counted my friends. Not all those Facebook friends but people I can actually call on. I have just as many child-free friends as I do breeder friends. I didn't try to find that balance, it just happened that way. I'd love it to stay that way because both bring me joy and hope.

Maybe it's nature's plan that I not have kids, anyway. The important thing now is to finish grieving and live on.

Rebalancing Act

"Hi How Are You I Am Fine."

That is how every letter I wrote as a child would start out.

The word "fine" is so annoying to me now. It's used interchangeably whether I'm fine or not. Do you find that? OK, fine.

I've not had to work this week so I can do whatever I want whenever I want and IT STRESSES ME OUT. I lied, I had a few appointments and one of them is the furnace guy. I'm hoping he's this super FINE every-girl's-fantasy hot furnace guy.

One of the exciting things I do on a day off is organize my financial accounts. The subject of personal finance is so personal. But I'll blog about it anyway because it was weighing heavily on me and maybe you have some of your own tips to share.

I was lucky enough to work at a place with a pension and a 401K. I was smart enough and fortunate to start investments in my 20's. Now I'm in my 40's and all this stuff is out of balance, just as I've gone unbalanced.

Then I sat down with my financial adviser (dad) and I liquidated and streamlined and rebalanced and OMG I FEEL SO MUCH LIGHTER. I knew for a couple of years that I needed to do that but I was so stupid about it. OK, fine, not stupid. But the market sucked and I didn't want to face that "retirement" topic. I can't imagine retiring. Now my retirement age is only 20 years away. How the fuck did that happen?

So a new year's tip.  Along with cutting off my hair, and going on the traditional underwear shopping spree to start the year off with fresh elastic, it's been great to take some time to financially rebalance too.

p.s. The furnace guy looks like a younger Andy Samberg. Meow.

I'm dreaming of...

...a totally organized house.

Maybe I'm OCD on top of everything else, but I can't stand the clutter and random single socks and piles of papers in my home.

I dream of the junk man coming to take away random crap I find in the basement or the dreaded "spare room."

I long for a clean work surface upon which to write and clear my thoughts.

I wish for bigger closets to contain my shoe collection. (oops.) There's no room in a closet for my boots so often they're strewn across the bedroom floor, like I'm a messy teenager again. Where's my Duran Duran poster, while I'm at it?

What's keeping me from getting it done?  Partly it's because there's just too much stuff... stuff I may refer to on occasion or stuff I may use once a year. Or stuff that is sentimental. Stuff from my Grandma, my great aunt, my childhood -- stuff I'd let myself feel guilty for getting rid of, but I just can't keep it all. I have letters that I wrote to my parents when I lived abroad. I have all the cards my mom received from friends and family upon my birth. What do I do with this growing collection of stuff, no matter how cool it is to see? What if I find that missing sock?

Would my happiness of a cleaned out house outweigh the guilt? 

I often think, in my sometimes-depressive state, what happens when I die? Who would be stuck cleaning up all this stuff?  I don't want anyone to be stuck with it. At that point, it will all end up getting trashed anyway so why not trash it now?

Have you cleaned out and simplified?

p.s. I'm also dreaming of a time when I ask fewer questions on my blog.

Shopping with Blaugra! Holiday Gift List Panic Edition!

Well, I do need to think of others and buy some Hanukkah and Christmas gifts. Now, since I haven't been thinking about others very much, I'm going to end up screwing myself at the last minute by paying too much for some impulse items that I'm not sure are going to be a good fit for the recipient!

First rule of last-minute shopping: BREATHE.

Second rule of last-minute shopping: Don't spend too much on panic-buying. That's hard because you feel a little guilty for waiting until the last minute.

Third rule of last-minute shopping:  Don't panic. It's not really the last minute until Christmas Eve, and even then, you can eschew all deadlines and just give people stuff when you want to. That's what's worked for me in a number of instances.

Anyway, when it comes to gifting, I like the practical, the indulgence, or the experience. Here are some ideas:

My mom and I staged a biscotti baking bonanza, making 4 different kinds, so we each have enough to give people little bags. What a pain in the ass to mass-bake twice-baked cookies, right?  But they're made with love.  These are my go-to gift for my office-mates. This recipe seems to be everyone's favorite: Cranberry Pistachio Biscotti.

Salty D.'s go-to for his office-mates? Lottery tickets. Hey, all you need is a dollar and a dream.

On the main street of my hometown, there's an oil and vinegar tasting bar and shop. It's super-fun to taste the different olive oils and balsamic vinegars, until your tummy starts to hurt from doing shots of oils and vinegars. Giving a unique set of, say, Blood Orange Extra Virgin Olive Oil with Oregano Infused White Balsamic Vinegar along with a recipe can be very thoughtful.

Giving to charities can be such a personal thing, so I hesitate to give in somebody's name to a charity that they may support. But if you know for sure that someone wants money to go there, then what a great gift!  A local food bank or soup kitchen is always a safe bet. Maybe even better, a membership to a museum or environmental center that they already love or can discover can give back all year long.

My sister-in-law told me that gift cards and photo frames were thoughtless gifts that took little effort and therefore meant less than, say, carefully selected scarves. But I disagree. And, I still give her gift cards. Often the most appropriate thing for someone is a gift card. My brother, for example, is getting a gift card for a drug store near his house. Why? Because he's mentally ill, he doesn't drive, and he doesn't have income. See? Great gift! Not thoughtless at all. Of course he'll probably lose the card. (That was thoughtless of me to say.)

For kids, I'm kind of clueless about what to get them that they don't already have. Most kids I know have enough toys and clothes, so what can you give?  Here's some help. Apparently I forget what it's like to be a kid and have a huge list of toys for Santa to bring, I'm totally jaded and practical. "You have enough Star Wars figures, kid!" Sheesh.

My BFF luckily told me that one of her kids is saving up money to attend a big event next summer. Right on the money.  She asked me if I thought that was gauche to request.  Just the opposite! That benefits everyone because it won't involve any irritating store returns and it's easy on the auntie.

Have you finished your gift shopping? 

Oops ...I just remembered that for the 8 nights of Hanukkah, I have only purchased 3 nights worth of gifts for Salty D.  I'd better get to that before panic sets in.

Shopping with Blaugra! Gifts-for-yourself edition!

I'm horrible at Christmas shopping.

Some people gift-shop all year 'round and save up their unique finds and bargains to give at xmastime. Some people do it all on Black Friday. I have no system and I've become bad at finding the perfect gifts for the few people on my holiday shopping lists.  But that's a topic for another blog post.

The biggest reason that I'm horrible at Christmas shopping is that most of the shopping ends up being FOR MYSELF.

Call me selfish. But I'll bet most of you are the same way with finding just as much stuff for yourselves (or more) than you find for others. It really is great to give to youself, isn't it?

I was getting a complexion makeover at Sephora in NYC the other day. A girl with pink glittery hair and eyebrows was working her fairy dust magic on my face with a new tinted moisturizer, which I NEEDED.

It's great for aging skin and the wintertime, it's more moisturizing then other tinted moisturizers I have used, and it doesn't have parabens and all that bad stuff in it.

Speaking of New York, the 50% off of everything in the store sale at NY&Co sucked me in at the mall and I bought a pair of skinny petite jeans. Not these fabulous red ones, but the standard dark wash because I'm not that daring.

Back in the big city... I love Uniqlo and visited their store in Soho again. I was intrigued by the very lightweight and low-priced down jackets but didn't want to carry one home with me. But I was SUPER intrigued by the HeatTech line. I bought a camisole and socks and they were reasonably priced and promise to keep me toasty in my drafty house.

Across the street from Orchard Corset, where I gifted myself with some brand new bras, was a vendor selling trendy hats, including a gray tweedy newsboy cap with feather detail. PeevedMichelle's eagle-eye-for-style spotted it for me. I should have only paid $8 for it but I didn't haggle at all. What the hell is wrong with me?  Well, at least it wasn't a red hat. I'm not ready for that yet.

I adore Jennifer Lopez's line from Kohl's, even though some of it looks heinous on me. Some of it does not look heinous. Especially the handbags. On Black Friday, I used Kohl's cash to buy a couple of gifts for others aaaaaaand then more gifts for myself, from J.Lo.

I couldn't resist trying this on.  I felt ridiculous, like a big golden egg. Or a golden Jiffy Pop:

 

Now I think I'm done buying clothes for myself for a while. No really, I am.

Don't forget to buy yourself a facial or massage or botox this season, too! 

Blaugra vs. Mothra

Those sneaky little monsters! I sought revenge and got the non-subtly labeled traps to capture the dreaded moths. Still, they appear, and when I go to bed, the last thought I have before skipping off to dreamland is the moths. Pantry moths.

Admitting to having pantry moths is as embarassing as buying yeast infection medicine.

My pantry is clean. Nuts and rice that were sealed in impenetrable Tupperware for godssakes fell victim to those determined little creatures of hell.

I tossed flour and cereal into the garbage. I scrubbed twice.  I did my holiday cookie baking at my mom's house. And still...when I come home from a day at the salt mines I see one, sitting on the counter. Lying in wait.

I can't believe I'm so uninteresting that I'm blogging about pantry moths. But seriously, where are they coming from?

And why, after the flurry of activity during Thanksgiving weekend, can I only manage to write about the flurry of the moths?

I hope to change that with a weekend in New York City. 

My mom told me to get into a New York state of mind, and she sang the song to me. So, off I go, Christmastime cocktails in the big city with this girl, and this one, and her.

I'm sure the moths will still be here when I get back.

Paella to drool over

I made a paella the other night and my uncle declared it the best paella he's ever had. Well, he's never been to Spain but I still took it as a compliment.

Each time I make it it's slightly different but I thought you deserved to have the recipe for the best paella my uncle has ever had.  The beauty of paella is there are a gajillion ways to make it and you can do it as elegant as you feel.  I used to make  it in one pan but found that the clams took too long to cook that way so I cook them separately. If you use lobster, cook that separately and add the meat to the dish.

I'm posting this partly because my friend Jen14221 recently talked about making her favorite paella which is a little more elegant than mine.

Paella de Blaugra

Ingredientes:

Goya medium grain rice

Chicken broth

Clam juice, small bottle

Spanish Chorizo (I don't use bulk, I use sliceable) sliced into thin coins

at least 2 dozen shrimp (I just used frozen, cleaned, no tail)

scallops (that's the first time I ever put scallops in paella and it was good.)

bag of 50 clams. Or however many and whatever size you want.

Other additions I've used include lobster tail and sliced calamari. I never put mussels in because I don't like them.

1 can LeSeur baby sweet peas, drained

1 small jar roasted red peppers, sliced into lozenges

Green pepper, onion, garlic to make a sofrito

Saffron, oregano, salt, pepper

Extra virgin olive oil, duh

Lemon wedges

Prep the seafood. This means thawing anything frozen or cleaning it. For the clams, soak them in cold salt water for a little while and they will spit out the sand in them. Discard that water and rinse the clams.

Make enough rice for 5-6 servings (see the proportions on the package.) Use a little olive oil, chicken broth and a bottle of clam juice for your cooking liquid. Crush several strands of saffron into the cooking broth. Like I don't know, ten at least. You want the flavor and the yellow color.

Start to boil a little water in a big pot where you'll be steaming your clams.

Meanwhile, in your large paella pan, cook the chorizo in olive oil until it starts to crisp. Remove to a plate. If you're using scallops (make sure you dry them so they aren't wet when they hit the oil!) sear them on both sides and remove to the same plate. Then add the sofrito mixture of pepper, onion and garlic and soften.

Add the shrimp to the pan and saute quickly. While they're cooking, dump the clams into the boiling water and listen to their shells start to pop open.  Add the chorizo and scallops back to the pan. Add the cooked rice and drained peas and stir it all together, adding oregano, salt and pepper. Remove the clams from the pot with tongs and nestle them in, or on, the paella. Add strips of roasted pepper in a sunburst design on top of the dish. Squirt some lemon juice on top. Hello, gorgeous. Dressed to impress.

Ready to eat, or, keep warm with foil on top over low heat while you toss a nice salad. Serve with lemon wedges and a Rioja.